i have said it on here before, and you know what, its the internet, so here it comes again…
i REALLY identify with Al and a lot of his stupid choices. there is a lot in his actions and the way he sells himself that i can really connect with. somehow even now with his whole drunken outlaw southern badass thing (something i have NEVER tried or wanted, or even THOUGHT to act like) there is something in him that continues to fascinate and draw me in.
he and paul had a relationship like SO MANY other brilliant men have together, or so many other passionate relationships/marriages/couples. there was a fire between them, a churning strength in them that pulled the very best honesty out of both of them. they were themsleves more together than without. and when paul left, he wasnt just leaving a junkie, or quitting a band, or getting out of a bad spot, or any of the things that have been said, he was abandoning his other half. he was leaving his lover and closest friend on the side of the street. was he justified in doing that? yes, of course. but still, when he left he took away so much of the passion, so much of the honesty, so much of the vicious beauty that he was able to extract from al. and that must have fucking broken al’s heart. that kind of abandonment, that kind of loss… its no wonder al’s music spiraled and shattered on the rocks. all throughout the heyday of MINISTRY, Al’s whole persona was that of chaos, unbridled and unmitigated chaos. he showed up with more drugs than any human could have even quantified, shot them all up, fucked anything that moved, ate paint chips and brass fixtures, screamed like the gutters of hell were draining, composed and forcefully led a band of all sorts of freaks and monsters, and ended up with some of the best avant garde music a major label will EVER touch. in reality, he was more grounded, he made phone calls, went to meetings, sat with guitars and talked with paul about books, movies, ideas, samples, and logistics… but the persona, the ghost that al hides inside of, that was one of pure chaos. so when paul left, he couldnt ‘give up the ghost’ so to speak, he had to chase the chaos, but without the person who pulled and dredged out all the passion from him… his chaos just became sloth.
al is the victim of a broken heart in a lot of ways, and i feel for him. but every lackluster album he pumps out is another whore he meets in a bar and anther tattoos he gets in another town, trying to chase that dragon one more time… and is it beyond depressing.
as for paul, without that passion and fire that al pulled out of him… we just get boring go nowhere bullshit. paul was just a bass play in a lot of ways, but he was also al’s only friend, because he was the only one who not just saw through al the whole time, but actually listened and coaxed out all the art packed inside of him.
when they broke up, we didnt lose MINISTRY, we just lost the passion.
