Would you be uncomfortable....?

Discussion
42

… I’m arguing the point in regards to what is deemed to be socially accepted behaviour.

There really isn’t a line in the sand about what is socially acceptable. Socially acceptable has more to do with the your immediate social circles… For example, profanity is not generally socially acceptable, but it is in my house, and among my social circles.

The question is …what would you do?

If it were me “what would I do?”, I would ask the couple to stop. gay/straight has nothing to do with it. Not even part of the equation.

If the gay couple were causing a stir amongst the other families, do you risk being labelled a bigot in order to keep the peace? Isn’t it ok to say: look I have no problem with same sex couples per se, but I’d rather they didn’t flaunt their affection for each other under my roof.

If more of your friends are uncomfortable with the gay couple than comfortable then kick the gay couple out. Why did you even invite the gay couple anyway? but really the point is that a gay couple making out at a child’s b-day party is just as socially unacceptable as a straight couple. again gay has nothing to do with it.

It comes down to preference (bad joke intended!) what do your social circles tell you? Who can you stand to lose as friends? the gay friends or the friends that don’t like the gay friends? There really is no social norm really for this any more. I think piko pointed out there is a time and place for being all lovey dovey with your significant other and a kids Bday party ain’t that time whether you’re gay or straight.

Late,
grmpysmrf

43

If I’m going to have a bunch of clients over to a party and I know they’re all hardcore conservatives I’m going to ask Grumpysmurf to politely bite his tongue if someone starts yapping about taxes or Obama or whatnot. If he can’t accept such terms I’ll just tell him to bow out and we’ll get together again some other time.

I would accept those terms and bite my tongue and If I couldn’t then I would excuse myself to some “emergency” that just came up and exit or If I knew I couldn’t accept those terms then I just wouldn’t attend the gathering at all and either way Gunnar and I are still cool. because the cool level headed cat that I am, I understand!

This is a perfect analogy Gunnar has laid out for you.
Late,
grmpysmrf

44

This is a perfect analogy Gunnar has laid out for you.
Late,
grmpysmrf

Here is why I feel his analogy is incorrect:

I feel it’s bigotry because you’re singling someone out based on sexual orientation, which is differs from political orientation in my opinion.

It’s less of a choice/learned behavior and more of a core trait, like race. I think that’s the crux of our disagreement.

Being gay is not an opinion.

45

Alright I will retract my “this thread is stupid” statement, though I will say it feels like a strange attempt to justify homophobic behavior in a really specific and bizarre situation context which is…silly.

Peligro has said several times he’s not singling out that behavior. but (as I understand him) he wants to know what are the rules as party host when it comes to fixing the complaints of bigots at his party… better question would be why did he invite bigots to his kid’s party? what kind of example is he setting for the young impressionable minds at his party?

I feel it’s bigotry because you’re singling someone out based on sexual orientation, which is differs from political orientation in my opinion.

not different when it comes to upsetting the guests around you.

It’s less of a choice/learned behavior and more of a core trait, like race. I think that’s the crux of our disagreement.

irrelevant since we’re talking about dealing with angry guests

Being gay is not an opinion.

not really the point.

Also to presuppose that this is a “straight” gathering (you are using the comparison to a conservative gathering) simply because this is the only couple that is “out of the closet” among the bunch is naive at best, in my opinion.

again, not really the point.
Late,
grmpysmrf

46

It’s not a matter of bigotry, it’s a matter of situational control. It’s about mitigating variables that you have control over in order to effect an optimal outcome. And I have no problem with it whatsoever.

If I’m going to have a bunch of clients over to a party and I know they’re all hardcore conservatives I’m going to ask Grumpysmurf to politely bite his tongue if someone starts yapping about taxes or Obama or whatnot. If he can’t accept such terms I’ll just tell him to bow out and we’ll get together again some other time.

And if it was my 90 year old grandmother and her old school friends at a party and I thought they might get freaked out by the gay dudes I’d handle it the same way.

i dono…

if you are hosting a dinner for some conservative clients of yours, then yes, the whole thing is a dog and pony show, why bring out someone who will change the mood. BUT if this is a kid’s birthday party… then why is a couple holding hands or just lightly kissing even being focused on. the party is for the kids, not for the parents. so they kids are to focus. just like how at the dinner, the focus is on pleasing the clients. the children arent touched or even really aware of the light kisses or handholding of any of the parents. that isnt the reason for it, and if one of the other parents is annoyed, then that is just tough shit. that is like the waiting staff at the conservative business dinner getting offended. the dinner isnt for them, they arent the focus, no one cares how they feel.

NOW…

if one of the KIDS at the party is uncomfortable with it, that is different, and more fitting for your comparison.

in that case though, simply ask the couple to stop showing affection in a physical way, as any couple of any orientation should be asked if a child is uncomfortable.

but again, fuck the parents, if they dont like it, no one cares, the party is for the kids, the parents are just fucking drivers and servers here.

47

This thread would probably work better with a broader section of the community.

We are all reasonsably like mided here. I’d like to hear what the non artsy, mainstream have to say about it.

Nothing gets the mainstream all riled up like a discussion on homosexuality and famililies.

Okay, sure. Truthfully, I grew up in areas that make Gummo seem similar, but with more blacks.

Gays and fags or what have you are out of the norm, and while I do not necessarily “roll with” the contingent, I’m definitely not phased by it. Why? Because if a gay person doesn’t go out of their way to be an asshole, it won’t offend me. Do I care if a gay couple kisses, or holds hands? No. But, if they grab each other’s asses, or tries to make themselves some sort of special grouping, then it’s apparent it’s ridiculous.

Case in point - I have a very ‘liberal’ younger sister. She has nothing against gay rights, couples etc. Fine. But I can’t take her to the Gay Pride Parade they throw on every year here in NYC. Why? Because every leather daddy with assless chaps comes out, some sporting big thick 10" black dildos sashaying around with beefcakes wearing pink around isn’t exactly what I would call “advancing equality”. I don’t see italians running around twirling pizzas during their parades, so what gives?

Truthfully, there’s nothing wrong with being gay as long as you’re not being a fag about it.

48

[reply]This thread would probably work better with a broader section of the community.

We are all reasonsably like mided here. I’d like to hear what the non artsy, mainstream have to say about it.

Nothing gets the mainstream all riled up like a discussion on homosexuality and famililies.

Okay, sure. Truthfully, I grew up in areas that make Gummo seem similar, but with more blacks.

Gays and fags or what have you are out of the norm, and while I do not necessarily “roll with” the contingent, I’m definitely not phased by it. Why? Because if a gay person doesn’t go out of their way to be an asshole, it won’t offend me. Do I care if a gay couple kisses, or holds hands? No. But, if they grab each other’s asses, or tries to make themselves some sort of special grouping, then it’s apparent it’s ridiculous.

Case in point - I have a very ‘liberal’ younger sister. She has nothing against gay rights, couples etc. Fine. But I can’t take her to the Gay Pride Parade they throw on every year here in NYC. Why? Because every leather daddy with assless chaps comes out, some sporting big thick 10" black dildos sashaying around with beefcakes wearing pink around isn’t exactly what I would call “advancing equality”. I don’t see italians running around twirling pizzas during their parades, so what gives?

Truthfully, there’s nothing wrong with being gay as long as you’re not being a fag about it.[/reply]
well said,
Late,
grmpysmrf

49

Gunnar, that conservative client party sounds like one hell of a hoolie. I’d throw them all out for being gay… [:|]

And JLW hit the dildo on the head - gays are fine mostly but sometimes they make it hard to stomach them.

I don’t know about you guys but I’ve had gay guys hit on me before and it can be quite unpleasant; they don’t exercise much subtlety and they usually try and touch you in some way before you tell them to leave you alone. I feel a woman’s pain (and I ain’t talking cramps)

50

I don’t know about you guys but I’ve had gay guys hit on me before and it can be quite unpleasant; they don’t exercise much subtlety and they usually try and touch you in some way before you tell them to leave you alone. I feel a woman’s pain (and I ain’t talking cramps)

To be perfectly blunt, I’m flattered when anyone hits on me. It’s nice to have fans.

I don’t take it as an insult either, like “I look” gay or something, it just means I’m so attractive that my handsome crosses gender lines. Although I’d be put off if they started groping me. Can’t say I’ve had that happen.

51

To Gunnar:

I feel it’s bigotry because you’re singling someone out based on sexual orientation, which is differs from political orientation in my opinion.

It’s less of a choice/learned behavior and more of a core trait, like race. I think that’s the crux of our disagreement.

Being gay is not an opinion.

Also to presuppose that this is a “straight” gathering (you are using the comparison to a conservative gathering) simply because this is the only couple that is “out of the closet” among the bunch is naive at best, in my opinion.

My example was and is 100% relavant.
I believe it is YOU that is a little off base here.

You are equating my asking someone not to DO something as equal as me asking someone not to BE something. I’m not asking anyone to be something they are not. I am asking them not to loudly or most visibly EXPRESS that which is the controversial.

The gays which I’m allowing at my party are still every bit as gay. They are still attending a function open to everyone (everyone that I’ve invited, at least). And they are still free to go home after the party and proceed to do what gay people do, whatever that may be.

My core beliefs and values, I believe, are every bit as integral to who I am as my sexuality (something I personally don’t feel the need to express or talk about in public OR at children’s parties). Grumpy gets it. And that is exactly why I used him as an example. His social and political beliefs and opinions are very important to him and are a big part of not just what he says on an internet forum, but they are who he IS.

He was not offended at the prospect of me asking him to put a trigger lock on his gun for one night or remove himself if that was not possible. We respect each other and our friendship will continue regardless. And to be honest, he or I holding our tongues on topics that we feel strongly about is harder than just refraining from kissing someone.

I would NEVER ask someone to not be who they are. But should a situation benefit (benefit me or the group as a whole) from it, I will ask someone to refrain from expressing him/herself.

I really don’t give a crap if someone thinks I’m a homophobe for living in the real world and being able to critically assess a situation and respond to it with true logic instead of making everything some banner-worthy civil rights issue (it ain’t).

52

And to be honest, he or I holding our tongues on topics that we feel strongly about is harder than just refraining from kissing someone.

Boy if this aint the fuckin’ truth!!!
I literally got physically ill when I sat and listened to a co worker spit out the most ignorant of accusations against Obama to another co worker, and I didn’t say anything. It lasted about 20 minutes and I couldn’t leave because it was a work function and I couldn’t participate in the conversation because I would’ve pissed off maaaaaaaaaaaany people that are more important than I, so I just sat there with my stomach hurting and getting all silently angry. It affected me all fuckin’ day. way harder to shut the fuck up about something you passoinately believe in that it is than it is to not kiss someone in public.
Late,
grmpysmrf

53

way harder to shut the fuck up about something you passoinately believe in that it is than it is to not kiss someone in public.
Late,
grmpysmrf

At a kiddie party, actually.
Is that really where people have the uncontrollable urge to show physical affection to each other?

“Yo, Grumps! Check out that kid in the Ninja Turtles shirt trying to break the pinata! Are you as turned on as I am? Let’s make out in the bouncy castle!”

54

Excellent excellent. All going to plan, more or less.

In the coming weeks, be prepared for such threads as:

[b]Muslims. Why?

Would you ever hit your spouse?

Post jokes/funny pics about the disabled.

The Jews and 9/11

Black Families In “White” Sitcoms

Afghanistan. Iraq. Who can we fuck over next?[/b]

55

Excellent excellent. All going to plan, more or less.

you’re plan was to piss off void? not really lofty goals. but I’ll admit it passes the time.

Afghanistan. Iraq. Who can we fuck over next?[/b]

Thought you were from Australia? What do you mean “We?” Who does Australia fuck over? The U.S. fucks over countries not the land of Oz
Late,
grmpysmrf

56

Let this thread die already.

57

Let this thread die already.

It’s a fun thread. Im’a give it a bump too when it hits page 2. It’s here to stay. Suck it!
Late,
grmpysmrf

58

We’re on page 3 buddy.

59

We’re on page 3 buddy.

no, page 2 of the discussion pages not the individual thread pages.
back at the top!
Late,
grmpysmrf

60

I don’t even understand why people are upset at the thread. Is it the questions/ scenarios themselves, or is it the honest answers of some of the participants that gets the emo blood flowing?

Seems like a fairly intelligent and fruitful discussion to me. Maybe I should make some CoMiXXX to make the material more accessible . . .

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