Let’s face it - life is harsh. Life teaches us lessons as we grow older and wiser. Hopefully we will pass down to the next generation as they do their darndest to stuff everything up as much as possible. But as harsh as life may be - we need to learn these lessons. It makes us who we are. It is how we grow as individuals. We must learn to crawl before we can walk - don’t you agree?
Or we could just cheat and watch movies instead! Awesome. The movies are FULL of lessons just waiting to be learnt. The following are all life lessons I have learnt by sitting on the couch and stuffing my face with Doritos and licorice allsorts until I feel bloated and nauseous-
[b]Aliens are either cute and cuddly or will eat your face. There is no in between.
If you move to the country, you will find that the single guy who lives in the adjoining property will have a dark past that will come back to haunt him and at some point you will get caught up in it all and barely survive the ordeal.
If you spend enough time waxing cars and painting fences you will eventually be skilled enough to win a karate tournament even though you are obviously retarded.
Good looking teenagers get picked on at high school for the sole fact that they are either new to the school or wear glasses.
If a member of your family is kidnapped while on holiday overseas, you will invariably be able to travel to that country and (despite never having been there before) track down the perpetrators, shoot every single one of them, destroy any number of cars during high speed car chases, blow up any number of abandoned factories / oil refineries and take part in machine gun battles through crowded marketplaces. You will then be able to safely leave said foreign country and return home (namely America) without any obstruction from the foreign police force who will let you pass through customs without so much as a harsh word even though you have just waged your own private war on their soil.
If you are fat or gay your life will be a non stop rollercoaster ride of fun and hilarity and never ending hijinks - especially if your flatmate is the polar opposite of you. Also you will drive either a sportscar or a clapped out bomb and have fun filled sing-a-longs in said vehicle whilst cramming as many people in at one time as physically possible.
Nerdy looking Jewish New Yorker intellectuals are knee deep in attractive pussy.
Stoner slackers are generally good looking scoundrels with chiselled features and hearts of gold and all they really need is a haircut and a new wardrobe makeover and they’re “hot” enough to hit the catwalks of Milan.
Private detectives lead a life of intrigue and have steamy affairs with good looking women who never seem to do anything other than look seductive whilst smoking a cigarette.
Ethnic immigrants in America are oddball and quirky and always have a cute catchphrase for every outlandish situation.
Men of Middle Eastern appearance are most likely going to kill you at some point. Or at least attempt to.
It’s best not to mess with the occult - but life would be pretty boring if we didn’t.
Heavy Metal guys say “dude” and “awesome” and “par-tay” a lot and are not very smart and have poor hygiene.
Popular people never really do any work but still live in great apartments, eat at the best restaurants and have really difficult to get jobs despite the fact they are obviously dumbasses.
If you go to school in Beverly Hills, every single student at your school will be an obvious stereotype who can be easily assigned to one of six or seven different stereotypical teenage demographics.[/b]
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So what lessons have you learned?!? Or have you NOT been paying attention?!