Two nuns are walking down a dark alley at night.
Two men jump out and start raping them.
The first nun looks to Heaven and says, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they’re doing.”
The second nun turns and says, “This one does!”
A bear and a rabbit are shiting in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit if the shit sticks to his fur. The rabbit says no. The bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
thanks for the jokes nance. none to report myself. my life is such a comedy as is. keep it coming!
My son came home from school with this yesterday, and for some odd reason, it made me laugh.
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartenders says, “hey buddy, Why the long face?”
Why is the clock in the cafeteria always slow?
because the clock always goes back for seconds (4 seconds)
Late,
grmpysmrf
a guy guys for a vacation with his newley married wife… however after going downstairs for a night of gambling he comes up to the room to find her in bed with another man… in shock and anger her decided to leave… he goes for a walk along the beach… he comes upon a lamp. he rubs it with his bare foot in passing and a genie comes out… the genie states to the man that he has 3 wishes with the only stipulation that his wife gets what he wishes for times 2… first wish, them man being depressed and wanting to be alone, he wishes for his own island… No problem says the genie, but you realize your wife gets one twice times as big. second wish the man wishes for 3 billion dollars… done says the genie, but your wife has 6… for his last wish the man wishes for the genie to beat him half to death
(or substitute in as the last wish a 12 inch penis either or)
Anyone hear the one about the corduroy pillow?
It made headlines.
A group of kids return to class after Christmas:
Teacher: Ok children were going to see what everyone got for christmas. Billy we’ll start with you, what did Santa bring?
Billy: A moo-moo car.
Teacher: Now Billy it’s not a moo-moo car, that’s poor grammar. It’s just a car, ok?
Billy: Ok, sorry miss.
Teacher: Johnny, how about you? What did Santa bring?
Johnny: A choo-choo train.
Teacher: Now Johnny it’s not a choo-choo train, that’s poor grammar. It’s just a train, ok?
Johnny: Ok, sorry miss.
Teacher: Micky, what did you get from Santa?
Micky: A book.
Teacher: Well Done Micky, now class see how good Micky’s grammar was. What was the book about?
Micky: Winnie the Shite.
![http://www.schecterguitars.com/news/Ministrywebpic.jpg[/image]](http://www.schecterguitars.com/news/Ministrywebpic.jpg%5B/image%5D){kind=link}
why’s al such a fucking idiot?
Funniest joke ever:
[image]http://www.schecterguitars.com/news/Ministrywebpic.jpg[/image]
That’s not funny. The big guy on the left is dead. Man, you’ve said some pretty callous things before, but I think you’ve out done yourself this time. Have you no shame?
Late,
grmpysmrf
That’s not funny. The big guy on the left is dead. Man, you’ve said some pretty callous things before, but I think you’ve out done yourself this time. Have you no shame?
Death doesn’t excuse anything.
Buster Keaton is dead and he’s still funny.
And grmpy, if George W died tomorrow and someone made fun of him would you say : have you no shame? The guy is dead fer chrissakes!!!
NO YOU WOULDN’T!!!
[;)]
[reply]That’s not funny. The big guy on the left is dead. Man, you’ve said some pretty callous things before, but I think you’ve out done yourself this time. Have you no shame?
Death doesn’t excuse anything.
Buster Keaton is dead and he’s still funny.
And grmpy, if George W died tomorrow and someone made fun of him would you say : have you no shame? The guy is dead fer chrissakes!!!
NO YOU WOULDN’T!!!
[;)][/reply]
guilty!!My earlier post was sarcasm, glad it was detected
Late,
grmpysmrf
why’s al such a fucking idiot?
LMFAO, and Al cant redeem himself either so this is funny and true.
Q. What do you call 30 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs
Q. What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.
Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why’d the blonde snort NutraSweet?
She thought it was diet coke.
Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy
missed the tube & Mick came on the bus.
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink. He replied in disgust ‘I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!’
Paddy handed his drink back & said ‘Me too, I didnt know we had a
choice.’
Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. A black coat, white collar & you’ve got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
Chat up lines:
-
“Did you fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away”
-
“Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special”
-
“My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in”
-
“Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them”
-
“Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up”
1 Like
A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that’s just the first guy!
Late,
grmpysmrf
good one, king smurf.
Derp derp derpy