Gunnar Is The Smartest Ask Him Anything Thread

Discussion
82

Dear Gunnar,

I have just spent the last few hours listening to Godflesh.

What, if anything, can I expect will happen to me over the coming days and weeks? And is it serious?

Yours faithfully,

Peligro

I know I sometimes get labeled as a zealot or narrow-minded conservative regarding this, but I think that’s unfair and I resent the character assassinations that I’ve sometimes had to endure simply because I’m not afraid to speak the truth.

I’m going to be totally honest with you on this topic. Some people are totally capable of listening to a bit of Godflesh every now and then and continuing on with perfectly normal and stable lives. But those people are few and far between.

Godflesh is a dangerous drug and most people that have a penchant for it become flamingly gay diarrhea drinking pretentious blithering idiots.

Just watch yourself and know if things start heading down a bad path. If you start to experience any of these . . .

  • Feeling the need to tell others about Justin K. Broadrick.
  • Referring to Justin K. Broadrick as “JKB”.
  • crying when people tell you Godflesh is pure faggitry.
  • Feelin the urge to post on “Avalanchers” forum.
  • an unquenchable thirst for diarrhea.

If you feel such symptoms coming on stop listening to Godflesh immediately as it might already be too late.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

83

[reply]Yes, but he prefers tacos.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

Corn or flour tortillas?[/reply]

Corn.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

84

Alright then let’s talk about Godflesh for a second. I guess you could say I suffer from a couple of symptoms. I sometimes refer to Justin as JKB and I’m on avalanchers. I’m not nowhere near as hardcore as all the rest on there but there is sometimes interesting stuff on there that isn’t Broadrick related. It doesn’t hold a candle to prongs but every now and then I feel like contributing to a convo and sometimes get a response. Anyways, my question is how much Godflesh have you actually listened to and is it really avalanchers that leaves a bad taste in ur mouth as opposed to the band itself? You told me the story of ur experience with Streetcleaner and how you trolled the ppl on avalanchers in classic fashion. I would definitely say that Streetcleaner and the self titled EP before it is their best work and if you don’t like that then you probably won’t like anything else by them. However their sound changed after Streetcleaner. They had at least one good song on the next couple albums. Brain even played drums on the album Songs Of Love & Hate before he went to Primus which was the first ok thing they did since Streetcleaner (7 years later) and Us & Them had a few songs I like. Ok I’m kinda hinting at recommendations, but I just think that’s one band you shouldn’t form a negative opinion on before you’ve heard anything past Streetcleaner. I’ll even say that Streetcleaner is hard to sit thru at about the half way point and the bonus trax don’t even deserve to be on there. And yeah, most diehard fans of just about any band are fucking annoying. I guess I’m also getting into this out of a bit of defense for the band. Some of their songs got me thru a tough period in my life. I agree that they were pretty crappy for about 5 or 6 years and even most diehard fans shit on their last album which came out a decade ago. But I just want you to further explain yourself on this.

85

GODFLESH RULEZ!!!

Look! It’s JKB!

  • Referring to Justin K. Broadrick as “JKB”.

Even a wise man like yourself Gunnar will know that if you can’t be referred to in triplicate initials, you’re a nobody.

Yours truly,
AMP.

p.s. Why do people take themselves and their music too seriously?

86

Oh, crap. You drank the diarrhea, didn’t you, Eureka? I might need to get you to a detox center or something before this gets out of hand.

Seriously, though, Dude, I couldn’t care less about the actual band and have no idea what the members are like or how they rank on the universal scale of musical genius.

I listened to Streetcleaner and can tolerate a few tracks if the mood is right. I tried a decent handful of other suggested samples (taken from a number of various albums) from people on this board a few months back and it just wasn’t my thing. Oh, and I saw them in 1992 open for Skinny Puppy live on the Last Rights tour.

Ultimately, though, it’s the fans (yes, this impression is largely due to Avalanchers) that I mostly take potshots at with regards to this band. They just seem so far up their own arses they don’t know which way is up. They seem to me like Rush fans who wanted street cool so badly that they chose a commercially unviable band so they could be part of something more intimate with other losers.

I know my view on the music isn’t the prevailing here and I’m fine with that. Most Ministry fans think Godflesh or Jesu or anything that Justin stuck his willy into is really nifty. But I just don’t “get it”. There’s quite a few bands like that for me . . . Godflesh, Tool, Melvins, Rush, Pantera . . . I’ve never gotten into any of these bands and I think most of their fans are subtarded mongoloids.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

87

Even a wise man like yourself Gunnar will know that if you can’t be referred to in triplicate initials, you’re a nobody.

Michael J Fox
Anthony Michael Hall
Edward James Olmos
Jonathan Taylor Thomas

You might be on to something here, Mick. I might need to research this further.

88

Don’t forget about Tommy Lee Jones.

89

[reply]Even a wise man like yourself Gunnar will know that if you can’t be referred to in triplicate initials, you’re a nobody.

Michael J Fox
Anthony Michael Hall
Edward James Olmos
Jonathan Taylor Thomas

You might be on to something here, Mick. I might need to research this further.[/reply]

Haley Joel Osment
C. Thomas Howell
Brian Austin Green (often referred to as The BAG)
Jada Pinkett Smith
Courtney Cox Arquette…

The list is endless and painfully good and inspiring.

90

Gunnar…why does Al Jourgensen insist upon wearing silly hair extensions, piercings, cowboy boots, eye liner and why does he insist on making Nu-Metal crap the older he gets rather than aging gracefully and making music that is too legit to quit?

91

[reply][reply]Even a wise man like yourself Gunnar will know that if you can’t be referred to in triplicate initials, you’re a nobody.

Michael J Fox
Anthony Michael Hall
Edward James Olmos
Jonathan Taylor Thomas

You might be on to something here, Mick. I might need to research this further.[/reply]

Haley Joel Osment
C. Thomas Howell
Brian Austin Green (often referred to as The BAG)
Jada Pinkett Smith
Courtney Cox Arquette…

The list is endless and painfully good and inspiring.[/reply]

Considering my first name is legitimately two names, I’m fucking STOKED.

92

p.s. Why do people take themselves and their music too seriously?

It’s an interesting question. Ultimately, it’s because some people are born without a personality, an identity, or a brain. So, they seek intimacy through certain artists to try and absorb these traits second hand.

This can occur with people who are into certain authors or actors or sculptors or any type of performer. But it is most commonly exhibited amongst people that are either a) Super into sports, or b) Super into music.

So, take the case of hillbilly douchebag #436. He’s just one of a million other septic tank users who wakes up, scratches his balls, looks lustfully at his neighbor’s 1983 Camaro, and then drinks an 18 pack of Keystone. But, he really likes Pantera and that, in his mind, makes him special. He tattoos a Dimebag portrait on his back, puts up a poster in his garage, and feels like he is part of something greater in this life.

Now, it’s true his only musical accomplishments are farting on a folding chair and cracking his knuckles to the tune of “I’m Proud To Be An American” but since he’s got no identity of his own, in his mind he’s actually part of the band. So if you tell him that Pantera sucks ass, he’ll get mighty ornery and may even want to arm wrestle or stickfight you to prove that Pantera is awesome.

Okay, okay! They’re awesome. Put down the hickory, Gomer.

It doesn’t happen as often with mainstream pop music, because people don’t actively decide to listen to mainstream pop music. It’s just there, and people accept it. Most of these people already have personalities and identities outside of their stupid radio or vinyl collection, so telling them that “Lady Gaga sucks” doesn’t really wreck their reality.

But whenever you delve into the stupid little subcultures . . . blackmetal, industrial, trance-metal, emo, or whatever, well, that’s where feelings get bruised and egos crushed.

Unless you want some NIN-loving black-nail-polish-wearing geekboy screaming at you and stabbing at his computer screen with a pencil, it’s usually better just to leave these goons alone. This is really all they have so try not to be too insensitive.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

93

Gunnar…why does Al Jourgensen insist upon wearing silly hair extensions, piercings, cowboy boots, eye liner and why does he insist on making Nu-Metal crap the older he gets rather than aging gracefully and making music that is too legit to quit?

Please understand, Al is 79 years old now and considering he’s been a hard core junkie for 87 of those years, he’s in fairly decent shape.

As people get older they start to lose touch with what’s actually cool and edgy. Al doesn’t even know it’s 2011, so expecting him to understand that there’s no need to protest Bush and the Iraq War is really unfair. He’s going to be as relevant as the magazines in the Kaiser waiting room. And you know how often those get updated, right?

So, he’s rocking some circa 1994 face piercings that he recalls from one of the craft booths at the first Lollapaloosa, and he’s trying hard to sound like he just assembled his band from a classified ad in the back of KERRRANG! magazine in 1990.

The guyliner and cowboy boots . . . who knows where he saw that. Gay porn maybe? Or maybe he met Dave Navarro along the way somewhere.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, when you reach age 92 like Al has, twice, you tend to get your points of reference not from what is important or interesting but from what you can remember . . . which usually ain’t that much.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

94

This can occur with people who are into certain authors or actors or sculptors or any type of performer. But it is most commonly exhibited amongst people that are either a) Super into sports, or b) Super into music.

Gunnar, more brilliant analysis. I would like to suggest that to the above-quoted list that you please add c) Super into comic books Go to an average comic book forum and you won’t believe the nerd rage - far more than I’ve seen on any music board.

95

Gunnar,

Please answer me the following (if you would be so kind):

How is it that Eerie Load can look the way he does (overweight, make-up, etc) and still not be able to score any action with the Juggalette scene? You’d think that he’s readymade for those hos! My own mind cannot grasp the answer to this question so I bow before your greater wisdom!

96

Gunnar, more brilliant analysis. I would like to suggest that to the above-quoted list that you please add c) Super into comic books Go to an average comic book forum and you won’t believe the nerd rage - far more than I’ve seen on any music board.

Thanks, I’m sure you’re right. I don’t have any experience interacting with them (unless you count screaming “NERDS!!!” from my car window on the few times I’ve driven past an event location) but I would imagine they would indeed reach a whole other level.

Let me know if any events come 'round the So. CA area and maybe I can infiltrate one for purely scientific research.

97

SO YEAH. WHYZ I GOTTA B DOIN STUPH YO? ALL I DID WAS GOTS THA DANDWICH IN DA BEAR TRAP. THEN I EXTORTED BEER FROM THE OLD LADY FACTORY WHEN I WAS TEN. SO WHY?

98

SO YEAH. WHYZ I GOTTA B DOIN STUPH YO? ALL I DID WAS GOTS THA DANDWICH IN DA BEAR TRAP. THEN I EXTORTED BEER FROM THE OLD LADY FACTORY WHEN I WAS TEN. SO WHY?

Arista made you do that.

I hope this helps,
Gunnar

99

Fair enough explanation on Godflesh as well as subcultures. I admit I’m one of those who gets butt hurt when ppl try and call things Black Metal when it isn’t. Like when we had a debate over whether or not COF is BM. I’ve learned to go along with the joke now bc it’s just funny to put Erie and Dani Filth in the same sentence or post.

But you also forgot about D) Anime nerds. Comic book nerds and anime nerds can go hand in hand but I’d say anime nerds are the worst. They go to conventions dressed as their favorite character and the guys jerk off to hentai. The guys are usually fat or balding on top (or both), and if they’re fat they’re girlfriends are shorter and smaller than they are (that is if they can manage to get a gf). Some are so bad that they have to watch their shows subtitled bc they hate it dubbed and wanna be legit by watching it the “proper” way. I’ve known quite a few of these types. I’ve met a couple who are pretty into it but are an exception to the rule, but most anime nerds are some of the lowest pieces of shit on this earth. And I’m talking mostly about the ones who are white and wish they were japanese.

100

My wife is Japanese. I’ve been to Japan about 10 times and we go to the LA Japanese markets (and bookstores) all the time. So yeah, I know exactly the guys you are describing.

They are indeed disgusting. I see them all the time. It’s bad enough when I see them in the bookstores in Little Tokyo, but when I see them in Japan I get even madder. I won’t even make eye contact. I make sure that no one has any reason to think there any relation between this white boy and any of those cretins.

101

After reading that I can’t talk shit anymore.