I normally hate reporting on things I’ve dreamt about, because they involve weird emotional surges over things that mean nothing to anyone else.
Every once in a while, though, I wake up in a laughing fit from my subconscious ability to remix meaningless data in a bizarre way.
Last night, for example, I dreamed I was a kid in a Toys 'R Us store circa 1988, where I was getting my dad to buy me “GG ALLIN’S MAYHEM QUEST,” the hot new 8-bit cartridge for the Nintendo Entertainment System.
The package / box and cartridge label were both images of the famous Murder Junkie covered in blood and squatting to defecate on stage, and the game play was some kind of side-scrolling cartoon-y action like the “Mega Man” series but with a jockstrap-armored GG stabbing fans with syringes and flinging crap at bumbling cop characters. The title screen featured a rousing chip-tune version of “I Kill Everything I Fuck,” with offensive lyrics scrolling across the bottom while you elected “one or two player mode”.
This has seriously had me wanting to find someone who can make “mods” of classic console games, in order to make this dream come true…
Who else has some good ideas for cultural crossovers between the world of video games and the XXXTREME music underground?
I would like to see a Martin Atkins/ Ministry collaboration for an 80’s Apple II Lemonade Stand type business game. You compete to see who can scam idiot kids more and collect the highest sales for the least delivered products and services. Selling a Boot Camp ticket or a tuition for a “school” where kids pay to package t-shirts . . . that’s some high scoring shit there.
I would like to see a Martin Atkins/ Ministry collaboration for an 80’s Apple II Lemonade Stand type business game. You compete to see who can scam idiot kids more and collect the highest sales for the least delivered products and services. Selling a Boot Camp ticket or a tuition for a “school” where kids pay to package t-shirts . . . that’s some high scoring shit there.
This is a great idea for an ‘educational’ game! “MAAHTIN & UNCLE AL’S ‘SCAM-BOREE’”, from Broderbund Software.
I’ll also buy it if there’s a version for my TANDY 1000.
[b]“You Don’t Know THE BOOK CLUB”:[/b] Fun multi-player trivia game for Sega Genesis and TurboGrafx 16. Try to outsmart Paul Barker, Chris Connelly and Bill Rieflin in categories like post-punk music knowledge and haute cuisine.
[b]Whitehouse in RYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH[/b]: The ultimate karaoke game for Sega CD; test your primal screaming skills along with your favorite selections of violent power electronics. Last person to pass out is victorious!
[b]Dave Mustaine’s ULTIMATE CONSPIRACY![/b] Help Dave utilize his martial arts skills to free Alex Jones from the grip of the Illuminati in this NES thriller. 16 levels of head-rattling action, ripping guitar solos and kick-ass power-ups granted for Scriptural knowledge.
I just want that which was originally promised on the nintendo 8 bit
You ARE Freddy Kruger. A horde of obnoxious teenagers is trying to get rid of you by finding your scattered bones and burying them. The only way to stop them is to kill them. You can travel along Elm Street through the electrical and plumbing lines or step into a mirror and step in another room.
Then I finally get it and it’s some crappy kill freddy bullshit!!
Well I imagine a game (FPS probably) where Al is so powerful superhero like Duke Nukem with a syringe-gun and the main boss is some skinny tall scientist in a corporation which is named something like Ionization. And yeah this scientist took all his money and drugs. After every kill Al says “Imma fuckn Al Jourgensn” or “How many books have you read?”.
Git Up Get Out 'N Vote
This game is like those bad FMV games from the 90s. Lots of badly pixelated 320x200 videos of Al making buttons, posters, empty promises, etc. See how many people you can make GIT UP GET OUT 'N VOTE!
THE GOSPEL ROAD: You get to be fully immersed in the REAL Al Jourgensen experience as documented in “The Gospel According To Al Jourgensen” autobiography.
During your rise to fame, you’ll have to shake off other leaching no-talent motherfuckers like Barker, Connelly, and Rieflin to continue your vision.
Bonus levels include ‘following a wine bottle on a fishing pole’, ‘making Fred Durst sing naked’, and ‘sucking your own dick at Rob Zombie’s party’.
It’s pretty much the most badass game ever because it’s all 100% true and fuck anyone that says otherwise.
THE GOSPEL ROAD: You get to be fully immersed in the REAL Al Jourgensen experience as documented in “The Gospel According To Al Jourgensen” autobiography.
During your rise to fame, you’ll have to shake off other leaching no-talent motherfuckers like Barker, Connelly, and Rieflin to continue your vision.
Bonus levels include ‘following a wine bottle on a fishing pole’, ‘making Fred Durst sing naked’, and ‘sucking your own dick at Rob Zombie’s party’.
It’s pretty much the most badass game ever because it’s all 100% true and fuck anyone that says otherwise.
I just hope that the arcade console comes with one of those bonus start-up screens that shows the Presidential Seal on a blue background along with the message “WINNERS DON’T DO DRUGS.”
Indeed. And there’s a special Easter egg bonus with Al giving a PSA about how you shouldn’t do drugs . . . where he brags about all the drugs he’s done.
“Listen up, you little fuckers! This is Uncle Al here and I say don’t do drugs because they’ll fuck you up. I did all the motherfucking drugs in the world because I’m a badass fucker, but you, you can’t do that shit, okay? Oh, except for smoking a little reefer because I found out we can do that legally in Calimafornia and the 12 year olds think it’s pretty cool when I talk about getting high. So, yeah, get high and don’t do drugs! Fuckers!”
I was just making these jokes a week ago when laughing about the aborted Al Jourgensen comic book project, but . . . . I would love to see Jourgensen as the boss villain at the end of a game, and you and your buddies . . . Connelly, Rieflin, Barker are fighting him as a team, Gauntlet style. They all throw books at him.
Uncle Al, meanwhile has crazy cyborg-automated dreadlocks that extend out all crazy like Doc Octopus type tentacles, blocking your attacks and ripping you fuckers apart, and grabbing you by the nuts and thrashing you against the concrete.
Anyway, while all this is going on, you need to aim for the power dot, which is the eyeball dead center in the middle of Al’s Aerosmith tattoo. Just keep aiming for that third eye and you’ll eventually kill Jourgensen and release the soul of Steven Tyler and basically win the whole fucking game. The end.
I think watching my friend’s older brother get frustrated by the game play was the first time in my very young life that I heard someone say “what the fuck is THIS shit?!”
ET blew so hard. I heard they were left with such a massive surplus that they couldn’t unload that eventually they just dug a giant hole in a landfill and dropped em all in to bury them.
ET blew so hard. I heard they were left with such a massive surplus that they couldn’t unload that eventually they just dug a giant hole in a landfill and dropped em all in to bury them.
They did and now you can watch the documentary on netflix where they dug them all back up and sold them for ridiculous prices. Dont know the name of the docu but im a sure a quick intrnet search will reveal the name
ET blew so hard. I heard they were left with such a massive surplus that they couldn’t unload that eventually they just dug a giant hole in a landfill and dropped em all in to bury them.
Haha wow, forgot about that one…from the Wikipedia page on Alamogordo, New Mexico:
“Alamogordo is known for its connection with the Trinity test, the first explosion of an atomic bomb, and also for the Atari video game burial of 1983.”
I couldn’t think of a worse ‘come visit Alamogordo!’ tourist enticement if I tried.
[reply]A 3D version of the classic Atari hit “ET”.
Wow…did ANYONE who played that ever enjoy it?
I think watching my friend’s older brother get frustrated by the game play was the first time in my very young life that I heard someone say “what the fuck is THIS shit?!”[/reply]
ET was fine, a classic case of READ THE FUCKING MANUAL. Now the Swordquest games, those were pieces of shit.
Dance Dance Revolution: Do the Etawa!
Let’s Dance!