I joined this forum not too long after I met my first legitimate girlfriend (good things do come in pairs, no doubt). At the time, I was in a pretty fucked-up place mentally. Drugs, a lot of unresolved issues and a veritable army of skeletons in my closet had basically been running my life up until about that time. Not to sound totally emo, but I truly thought that I’d never get past my neuroses and love anyone, much less attract anyone with the tiniest portion of a soul.
Then I met her.
She was literally the one who made me realize that true, my life was indeed fucked up… but that I had the power to get off my ass and do something about it.
However, not a few days after “getting together,” a lot of tragedies happened in rapid fucking succession. Seeing as the people I was living with (not my family, mind you… I was kinda at odds with them at the time) were, and still are, soulless, ignorant, ass-backwards idiots, she was basically the only one I could REALLY open up to (it wasn’t till a few months later that I began psychotherapy).
During a lengthy conversation about the things that were mentally crippling me, I said something to the effect that when I did snap, that I’d go on live TV and start murdering people with a couple of icepicks, ending with myself, because Goddamn it, that’s what the world, and I, deserved. To which Stephy responded that I was better than what people (i.e. my mother) said I was, that I was actually a very good guy (albeit a tad fucked up), and that she was convinced I’d save the world one day.
From that day forward, everytime I’d question what the hell I was going to do with myself, she’d always tell me “Stay away from icepicks!”
Not too long afterwards, I decided to join the Prongs forum. Icepick_Messiah was basically a reference to the precariously shifting polarities in my head: the desire to go on a killing spree, and the newfound realization that I could make a difference in not only my own life, but someone else’s.
Pointless Trivia: It was around that time that I re-discovered one of my favorite records of all time, and actually listened to the words, not the music… and it perfectly described exactly how I was feeling.
That record, ladies and gents, was none other than “Dark Side of the Spoon.” [cool]