The day started with Scumpig (Pissant) who flew up for this one from Norwich arriving on a bus from the airport at around 9:30ish. I picked him up from town in Edinburgh and took him back home dumped his stuff, had a quick cuppa, then took him for a whirl-wind tour of Edinburgh. We went to The Real Mary Kings Close but couldn’t get in early enough due to radge school kids hoggin it for the day! Instead we went to Camera Obscurer to check out holograms and other cool and quite funny things. From there we visited Grey Friar Bobbys grave then got an AWESOME Neeps, Tatties and Haggis from the Royal McGregor on the Royal Mile. They without a doubt do the deadliest Haggis around town! After that we hit the Castle but sadly the line was HUGE so we gave that a miss due to being impatient and it being a miserable rainy day. From there we popped into Underground Solution Record store where i picked up a devastating Goth Trad Dubstep 12" followed by a journey up the Scott Monument which was fuckin epic!
After the Edinburgh tour we came back to mine for a few beers, whiskys and records. The higlights were definately Goth Trad, Pitman and the crazy and very frightening Carlton “Killa Watt” Valley song “Special Request” which is about all the UK’s baddies like Fred West and Gary Glitter amongst others…We then met two more of my pals and jumped on the bus to Glasgow.
We arrived in Glasgow and i was so hungry i forgot to pick up my other mate Daniel at the bus stop! After a few burgers at McBabylons we collected Daniel on our way to Carling Academy. Daniel was a bit tense about the gig and while we were in line he said “these people are going to know i’m not suppose to be here!” bwahahahahaha!!!
So we get in and are strictly searched by security before heading into the venue. We hit the bar then we are treated to the bonker opening band who come out wearing Slalom skiing outfits? The drummer and guitarist looked like straight up Emo-Hop-Core panzys while the bass player and singer look like classic Scottish bearded neanderthal boozers. They were a lot louder then i though they’d be and sounded like a cross between Napalm Death and The Darkness! The songs were about funny things but you couldn’t understand a thing he was screeching…for example, one of the songs was about the Michael Jackson and Macaulay Culkin love affair! The band sucked but they sucked with style and finess.
I went to the bar again and came back to have Scumpig point out Sin standing in the crowd alone looking quite lonely. So i went up to him and chipperly said “hi i’m from the Piss Army!” (i didn’t tell him i got kicked off for saying fuck you Ministry for a pish farewell setlist though hahahaha). Sin was a very small fellow who was very softly spoken and quite pleasant. After some small talk about Scotland and where Ministry was headed next i shook his hand and told him i looked forward to the show.
The Academy is quite a large venue and it pretty much looked sold out to me. I didn’t actually know Scotland had any Ministry fans as i’ve been here over 5yrs and have only ever seen one dude wearing a Ministry shirt? Regardless the fans were out in full force tonight. The fence was up, Revco’s new song started and we were all ready to rock’n’roll…
Just before it kicked off this big bald dude (neo nazi?) comes up to me with a pint in hand and asked menacingly “Are you from Glasgow pal?!”, i say “No i’m from New Zealand”, he squints his eyes at me then leans in and says “there’s gonnae be a riot in here tonight pal!”. I replied “not unless they pull out a hell of alot more classics then they have been playing lately which isn’t going to happen”, he then stares daggers at me and begins to go around conspiring with all his other “pals!” about how he’s going to destroy me i suppose? I told Daniel not to worry as when the shit kicks off and the mosh begins the big bufty tuffty will piss off…which sure enough basically happened! And sure enough there was no riot too!
I must say when this happened though i was glad the security search was very strict as Glasgow has a rep for stabbings…i.e on the news this morning two woman were stabbed to death yesterday there…
Ministry came on to a big roar and started with “Lets Go” as you might have guessed. I jumped up down near the front for a few bars of the song then realised it was quite lackluster and not the best soundwise so just kind of stood there watchin my idol of many years up close and intimate.
Thankfully the sound got much better as did the energy and the jumping up and down like a loony and venturing into the mosh here and there for a pummeling began! I hit the deck a few times (as you do in a Ministry mosh) and i must say it is one of the most liberating things hitting the deck flat on your back then being hoisted up in a flash by the very gentlemenly fellow mosher loony toons.
The songs that got the best moshing jumpin up and down like maniac reactions were definately RGB, NO W, So What, Just One Fix and Thieves. The first part of So What sounded weird? I didn’t recognise it at all until the mayhem drum/guitar part kicked in.
There were quite a few crowd surfers here and there and the security were very kind enough to pass out lots of water to us all as fuck me it got hot in a hurry regardless of the venue having awesome air conditioning.
I was a bit dissapointed though as i felt i had to nip outside for a quick breather and ended up missing “Lies Lies Lies” due to talking to a female security employee about Ministry for a wee while. She had never heard of them but told me her fav band were Rammstein? I told her if she likes Rammstein she should definately check out a few of Ministry’s earlier albums. She then attended a wee Emo-Hop-Core-Goth chick who came out crying…it looked like she had either got battered in the mosh, gropped or was having a whitey? I would have guessed it was a classic example of a whitey! So i went back in just to notice Lies coming to an end…what a bummer!
As the set finished and the covers were about to begin i did my duty as a Ministry fan and was yelling out at Al “STIGMATA!!” “FILTH PIG!!” “LAND OF RAPE AND FUCKIN HONEY!!!”…i even heard some other chic behind back me and scream out “FILTH PIG!!!”…i was very impressed!
As Al was singing his first cover song (ZZ Top) i was pogo-ing quite close to him and gesturing strangling him…he saw this and promptly gave me the finger bwhahahahahahahaha!!!
The 2nd cover was about to begin and i continued my “STIGMATA!!!” “FILTH PIG!!!” “LAND OF RAPE AND FUCKIN HONEY!!!” “DARK SIDE OF THE SPOON!!!” “WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING BAND AL!!!” (Thank you old lady at the last Exploited concert who kept yelling that!). Sadly as you may’ve guessed Al ignored me the big meany!
The last encore happened and at this time i really upped the anti by yelling loud as i could "GIVE US SOME FUCKING RAPE AND HONEY! GIVE US SOME FILTH PIG! GIVE US SOME SPOON!! GIVE ME NURSING HOME (which got a few chuckles near by) GIVE ME SUPERMANIC SOUL AND EUREKA PILE!! GIVE US SOME PROPER MINISTRY!!! WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!!! I looked around to see if anyone felt the same way and were ready to back me up… all i got was this guy next too me shaking his head and kind of giving me this pleading gesture to be quite!!! It looked like i was on my own on this one?
What A Wonderful World began and there were a few boo’s to accompany mine which i was chuffed with…as a whole though the huge crowd loved the whole show and were cheering and absolutely loving it from what i witnessed. Hell i loved it to bits too but felt i had to do my bit booing and yelling out to Al what alot of fans want him to know…i know for a fact he heard me for the most part too which was quite cool[cool]
So yeah i loved the gig. I met Sin, i sang my little heart out, danced my ass off, moshed and got battered, booed the covers, yelled and pleaded with Al for the classics and got a wee bit cunted! And then sadly…it was over.
When we got back to Edinburgh i dropped Scumpig off at mine (then went to the Caves nightclub) as he was knackered and had a really sore ear. The poor guy had never seen Ministry or flown in a plane before and in the space of four days he had seen Ministry 3 times and flown twice! On the flight up to Edinburgh something happened with his right ear which made his time quite uncomfortable i think? Regardless we had a blast and i’m getting him up here for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August so we can make ammends with Mary Kings Close and the Edinburgh Castle along with a few shows at the festival.
So as i thought would be the case happened…i had an awesome time at my last Ministry gig but deep down knew it could have been alot more special had alot more “proper” Ministry songs been played regardless of the band line-up. But as Ned Kelly said…“Such is life…”
C U LaTour Ministry.
Here’s the Scott Monument Scumpig and i went up…it doesn’t look that tall but shit there’s millions of stairs that twirl around until you reach the top…the stairwell gets skinnier and skinnier as you reach the top until you only just fit in there! This is my fav building in Edinburgh as it’s like Ming The Merciless’s palace or something!
And here is a shot of the amazing Haggis, Neeps and Tatties…the gravy was superb too…MMMMmmmmmmmmm!
