Only a few minutes ago, I learned some nerve shattering news after visiting www.toolband.com.
It would seem that, following an unexpected and unforseeable chain of events, Tool have decieded to temporarily go their seperate ways. The reasons being are a little confusing as such, however the official word from the band’s website goes something along the lines of:
…Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely.
Although I desperately wish it were, it appears that this news is NOT an April Fools joke, although the whole thing reeks of some malicious prank. It is surreal to say the least. Being such a huge fan of the band…I’m crushed to say the least. If I could name a half dozen bands that I wish would NEVER break up, Tool would be in the top two or three. But there you have it. What’s done is done.
I’m still clinging to the fact that this is indeed merely a joke.
Well, it’s a bit of a cause for Tool fans to worry. Though wait to see for sure. Could be a really good April Fool’s joke. Posted day before. Keeping fans in suspense. Who knows. Kind of a bummber if they do go their own way.
Kind of odd MJK leaving because he found Jesus now. Seems more like a perverse joke to mock Head from Korn or something. That and the fact that, seems some of Tool’s song’s have some hidden biblical meaning. Schism seems like it coule be in some deep way a song about the Tower of Babel and Babylon. I also have him and Tori Amos doing Amazing Grace somewhere.
Dammit. Fucking Tool fans fall for this every fucking year. Its an April fools joke. The last one was an announced track listing for Lataralus that included “Popo the Clown” as a song title. Maynard loves to fuck with his fans, and with good reason. Uptight bastards take this shit too seriously. Anyway, this year’s prank doesn’t have much creativity to it, I mean c’mon…who hasn’t made fun of Head finding Jesus.
Actually it’s not a joke. This news has not only been reported here, but on toolshed.down.net, toolband.com, theprp.com AND (as much as I hate to say that they are an authoritative source of music news) MTV.com… It’s true. Maynard has found Jesus and is leaving Tool “indefinately, if I ever decide to come work with them again”… But as much as I love Tool I saw this coming years ago. Before Lateralus even came out. Maynard said he was getting bored and tired of working with Tool and with the complications they were having with their label at the time, I kinda figured it was going to be sooner than now. The only thing I really want to know is if they are still going to release the new album or what? I mean… Most of the tracks have been recorded and mastered and Maynard has even put down vocals for most of the stuff that they already have done. If the album is this close to completion, shouldn’t they at least finish out the album and do a farewell tor? I dunno. Just my opinion.
I’m sorry, folks. I’ve been lurking for about a year now and I just had to rear my ugly head and say something: THIS IS ALL A GAG. A VERY, VERY ELABORATE GAG. Tool is known for pulling this kind of crap in the past - they do something EVERY April Fool’s Day, or at least Kabir at toolshed.down.net does, with the tacit approval of the band. That information, combined with the recent discovery of Jesus by a member of Korn and the band’s penchant for forcing you to “think for yourself,” lead me to believe this is bullshit, and Maynard’s laughing his ass off right now. Just THINK ABOUT IT. Every April Fools Day something happens. Every year they have to up the ante to keep people scratching their heads. It’s just like the show “24” - first it’s Dennis Hopper, then it’s a nuke, then it’s a virus, and this year it’s EVERYTHING.
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, “That guy’s a punk!”
As it turns out, Maynard was out “location scouting” near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he “found Jesus.”
“Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look,” Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of “Holier Than Thou” sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn’t obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It’s an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty “sparkling holy water” bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced “The Celestine Prophesy.” Tragic.
“Truth be told,” Maynard confessed, “I wasn’t feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it’s very possible that the guy I met wasn’t even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe.”
Anyway, this year’s prank doesn’t have much creativity to it, I mean c’mon…who hasn’t made fun of Head finding Jesus.
yeah… but look how many people it suckered in.
every messageboard i go to had someone insisting this was real.
07 Apr 05
“Christians, huh? So forgive me.” - Bill Hicks
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, “That guy’s a punk!”
As it turns out, Maynard was out “location scouting” near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he “found Jesus.”
“Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look,” Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of “Holier Than Thou” sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn’t obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It’s an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty “sparkling holy water” bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced “The Celestine Prophesy.” Tragic.
“Truth be told,” Maynard confessed, “I wasn’t feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it’s very possible that the guy I met wasn’t even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe.”
