Hahahahaha!!!
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/your-band-sucks/tools-10000-days.php
Y’know…that was (against all perceivable odds) actually quite funny.
I’m a Tool fan and even I found truth and merit in a large chunk of that rather unscrupulous bit of wank journalism.
They do disappear up their own asses quite a lot of the time, 'tis true. But it’s still fun. It’s all fun.
Still, Tool do put on one HELL of a live show - self indulgence not withstanding.
The highlights for me were…
And now, here it is: 10,000 Days, which could refer to just about anything. Some guesses:
-The combined man-hours involved in designing the album’s packaging.
-How long the album seems (to me).
-The average age at which a male Tool fan loses his virginity, if manual stimulation by a 15-year-old girl in the back of a movie theater showing Saw II counts.
-It’s not funny, Maynard’s mom had a STROKE and she was PARALYZED for 10,000 Days, you prick!
-The number of days it will take me to wade through the e-mails calling me a prick for making fun of Maynard’s mom having a stroke.
“But what really fascinates me about Tool albums is the filler. While Tool has rarely been as audacious with their time-wasters as a band like The Mars Volta, they have been known to fall on the indulgent side. Their die-hard fans might claim that each and every track on the album serves its purpose and generates the distinctive “flow” of a Tool record.Yes, we can’t have too much of a tour-de-force. If every song on the album were worthwhile, the album would simply be too much, and we wouldn’t be able to concentrate. A fillerless Tool album would be an embarrassment of riches! Ladies would swoon!”
And lastly this…hahahahaha
“If reading a negative review of a Tool album in a feature called “Your Band Sucks” on a comedy website has raised your dander to unacceptable levels, you can always be a big giant fucking dimwit and send an angry e-mail to davidthorpe@somethingawful.com. Due to my complicated system of e-mail filters, all messages not bearing the subject line “I AM WRITING AN ANGRY LETTER TO A COMEDY WEBSITE” will be deleted.”
I thought Tool was cool when “Sober” debuted on MTV . . . unfortunately, I’ve never liked another song by them, ever.
I thought Tool was cool when “Sober” debuted on MTV . . . unfortunately, I’ve never liked another song by them, ever.
The title track from aenema is pretty bad ass! Lyrics are a bit silly (although I do like his “fuck” list!) but the music is top notch.
Late,
grmpysmrf
As always, the affair is shabbily held together by the guitar work of Adam Jones, which manages to touch all the extremes of mediocrity, from the chilling abyss of conspicuous sub-mediocrity (the spit-soaked Frampton-Comes-Alive solo on “Jambi”) to the thrilling stratosphere of… defensibility. Yes, that’s about the best that could be said of him: someone somewhere might have some kind of argument in his favor. Lord knows it isn’t me. His ass is frequently saved by the workmanlike bass twiddling of What’s-His-Face, who charitably wrests the lead from Jones when the going gets too tough.
This really is quite true.
He even admits his guitar playing isn’t that great. Then again, I think he’s definitely stepped it up a notch from Lateralus. And he’s working with Fripp. So who knows.