The Official Prongs Ideas For Movies thread

Discussion
21

Can somebody with some experience of using Twitter do this? I have no idea how Twitter even works.

I do; I’ve had to use it on past collaborative projects to ‘promote’ crap and came to loathe it. As much for the stupid stuff I was promoting as for the insincere “dude! I’ll totally check it out!” replies I’d get. But when it comes to just being a chaos generator and tweeting stuff like implausible movie pitches, I think it can be much more interesting.

You’re limited to a “Tweet” of 140 or so characters at a time, but that can be gotten around - you can just post .jpegs / images of the movie pitches in the place of actual typed text, graphically manipulating 'em to look like they are appearing in an actual ‘TV Guide’ or whatever.

22

“Disorder In The Court!”

Rob Schneider (who else?) stars in this hilarious but heartwarming comedy drama about a top criminal defense attorney who is suddenly diagnosed with an extreme case of Tourette’s Syndrome. Madcap hijinks ensue, as does a passionate and unpredictable romance with the bombshell Assistant District Attorney (Mila Kunis).

Rated R for language and an unfulfilled hint at the prospect of partial nudity.

Yes…that could work. However, Schneider would need to adopt a catch phrase for every time a “hijink” occurred. It would also be necessary for him to speak in a thick Eastern European accent.

A chubby African American who sweats a lot and always loses his keys and is perpetually eating a bologne sandwich needs to be found in order to play the token, fat, black, sweaty courtroom security guy.

23

Also, if anyone out there has any ideas regarding an alternate Lord Of the Rings movie…I’m all ears.

But ditch the Frodo / Sam “gay” thing - it gets old real quick.

Still looking to hear some ideas from Grmpy…

24

Still looking to hear some ideas from Grmpy…

This ain’t really my thing. Sorry dude. I’m still chuckling at the scotch tape being taken by the evil ruler, though. [laugh]

25

“Pronged: The Rise and Fall of Chris Connelly”

The feel-bad hit of the Summer.

A Z-list ex band member of legendary cult rock band suddenly finds himself without purpose until stumbling across a virtual meeting room on the internet where he enjoys the adoration of many. His time on top of the mountain would come to a tragic end, though, when a few rebels make jokes at his expense.

Rated R for cool-sounding Scottish profanity and lots and lots of tears.

26

Alain, a washed up 80’s industrial music icon spends his frazzled, hazy days chain smoking and drowning himself in hard liquor. Then, one fateful day, through a chance encounter with a talking sea lion named Francois, washed up on a San Diego beach, Alain learns to live and to love again and discovers the true meaning of happiness. In a moving final act, he kills the sea lion and hangs the stuffed carcass above his liquor cabinet in the games room.

A tall skinny ex bassist for a once popular industrial rock band faces the fight of his life when he is accused of selling imitation fur coats to wealthy Asian house wives and passing them off as the real thing. During the arduous, nine month long trial, he suspects his pesky lawyer wife, whose services he has retained to represent him in court, of writing lengthy, badly written and hideously cryptic meandering rants on internet message boards.

27

Well, if we’re going to get former Ministry members involved…

This is Not a Love Song:

Action / comedy. In a dystopian U.S.A. of the future, the state grants every citizen the luxury to commit one “freebie” murder without fear of being criminalized. Down on his luck, one-time ‘drummer to the stars’ Martin Atkins finds a way to auction off counterfeit vouchers for freebie kills. There’s just one catch: winners of the auctions must also agree to host a performance by the wily drummer and his band! Will this scheme get Martin ‘out of the red,’ or will his talking Amazon parrot sidekick “Gubb” get him into deep trouble…and make HIM the target for somebody’s vigilante justice?

Rated PG-13 (for strong language, depictions of drug use, intense graphic violence, musical sequences ‘likely to offend.’)

28

An alcoholic Fed Ex courier drives in circles around a hospital carpark for two hours yelling insults at fat people.

A game of table tennis that invariably starts The Cold War.

A celebrated artist, famous for his nude portraits of heavily pregnant sheep, realises his entire life is a sham and donates his thumb to The Freemasons Guild.

When a surface to air missile from Lockheed Martin is stolen by a troupe of visiting Iranian puppeteers, the President retreats to his room and plays Hungry Hungry Hippo for three days straight.

Blackbeard The Pirate is cloned by two nerdy high school never-do-wells and unwittingly becomes the new assistant editor for Sassy Magazine.

Jodie Foster miraculously gives birth during a charity luncheon for Kids Who Do Not Yet Have Aids after making whoopie in an elevator with the ghost of Don Knotts.

29

I still contend that Sean Tejaratchi is one of the comic masterminds of our age - not only does he have great ideas for implausible movies, [url http://liartownusa.tumblr.com/tagged/Netflix]he incorporates them into hilarious bogus Netflix ‘screen pauses.’

I dare anyone to get through that entire page without at least a cracked smile. The teasers for “Birthday Shark: Baja,” “Predator vs. Pulse Yoga” and “Fringe Kids” are all genius.

30

Haha, thanks for the link.

I haven’t scrolled through all of them but Letters from Grigori needs to become reality. You could even have Tyler Perry do it and change it to Letters from Madea. Cha-ching.

http://liartownusa.tumblr.com/image/91279500775

31

[u]The Drummer From Def Leppard’s Only Got One Arm[/u]

Buenos Aires 1979. Alaine, a debonair young French Canadian, is on the run from the American authorities for the crime of attending a watchmakers convention wearing nothing but a fur lined cape. Holing up in an inner city apartment by day, he cruises the district’s swinging singles bars by night, indulging in no strings sex, illicit drug taking and exposing his genitals to anyone who stops him for directions. One steamy evening, while visiting a Turkish bath run by Quakers, he falls in love with Salivia, a vampish night club singer with a prosthetic arm and a shady past, including a stint as a singing nun at children’s parties. Hot on her heels however is Ivor, Salivia’s gangster ex husband - a ruthless killer and founder of the world’s smallest haberdashery, who will stop at nothing to thwart their unrequited passion. Only the strongest will survive in this tale of love, lust, sex, passion, rumpy pumpy, blood and guts and a racehorse named Eric who appears out of nowhere at around the seventy minute mark.

Rated R18+ for actual, penetrative sexual intercourse where you pretty much get to see everything

[u]Our Men Need Strong Coffee For The Horses Are Restless[/u]

Estonia - 1938. The world is on the brink of world war, but Gaffi Stryblinki, the Village Other Idiot, has only one thing on his mind - Borscht!! One fateful day, after clumsily mistaking Vasilia Godenuv, the village doctor’s chaste young wife for a bedroom chamber pot, he is sentenced to 14 years hard labour in a Bolshevik Prison. There he is mercilessly whipped, beaten, forced to plough the fields with his teeth and compelled to greet incoming customers at Officeworks. During this time of hardship, Gaffi meets Uli, a defiant socialist and elder statesman with a heart of gold and a leg of gold (real gold) who regales the young Gaffi with tales of nationalistic defiance and a secret recipe for onion stew. Their relationship turns sour however when Uli shows “unnatural interests” in the boy culminating in a very bloody and very nude show down in the men’s shower block on the nation’s public holiday.

Rated R 18+ for nudity, explicit language and a scene involving two nuns and a pack mule.

[u]The Cock A Poo Wanderer[/u]

Salzburg - 1724. After an horrific incident in a liverwurst factory leaves him impotent, Sergei, a once promising young pianist takes to drink and moves into a dilapidated boarding house by the banks of The Danube. There he meets Greta, a mysterious woman who claims to be not only the long forgotten heir to a Bulgarian coffee fortune but also the only woman in the entire kingdom who can perform Bach’s The Well Tempered Clavier by blowing into a jug. Together they roam the vast expanses of the Rhineland, as a pair of brigands, looting, pillaging, raping and sewing until they incur the wrath of the Austrian Emperor, Ludvig The XXXIXth And A Half who orders their arrest and later condemns them to death by publicly encasing them in a giant bowl of caramel pudding.

Rated R 18+ for explicit nudity and a scene involving a beached whale being humiliated by Japanese tourists.

32

A Yakuza’s Burden, Part IV: The Bitterest Cake

Action / Drama. Annoyed at the fact that their ingrate sons never thanked them for completely financing the ‘scene’ of Brooklyn’s hip Williamsburg neighborhood, a group of Midwestern moms pools their resources to erect a giant memorial statue to Midwestern Moms’ Credit Cards in the NYC township. The scene insiders send yakuza assassins to kill their mothers for this affront, but when the thugs fall in love with the charm of the American suburbs, they forget their mission and begin a brutal inter-family turf war after setting up their own yakuza-themed gourmet cupcake shops. Vincent Gallo and Takeshi Kitano star.

(Rated R for strong language, extreme graphic violence, frequent beard exposure.)

33

Massouka Massouka

Greece 1947. With their war torn Macedonian town in tatters and supplies of Taramasalata at an all time low, a family of Greek Orthodox patriots relocate to a bustling Detroit metropolis and begin life anew. It is there that they find hardship amongst the locals who treat the immigrant Greek community with contempt - defecating on their lawns, spitting in their faces and forcing them at gunpoint to eat day old ham sandwiches without mustard and vine leaf wraps without olive oil. All this changes however when Gyrios, the youngest son of the Orthodox Macedonians, reveals a unique talent that has so far been kept under wraps - his massive appendage can impregnate a woman from 20 metres away! Now, the once reviled Greek community has something to sing about. And sing they indeed will do…for a new dawn has risen. And there is plenty of spanakopita for all!!

Rated R18+ for scenes of heathen worship and a dance routine involving a trope of naked boiler makers

34

In The Glare Of Burning Churches (aka Hey Nonny Nonny The Cat’s Got Into The Cream Again)

Vargii, a troubled Norwegian teen, disillusioned with life above the Arctic Circle (not to mention the drudgery of being the only son of conservative herring breeders), paints his face, records a raw Black Metal demo tape and sets about burning a chain of drive thru waffle houses in order to voice his distrust of the “ruling classes”. As punishment for his crimes, a court sentences him to 300 hours community service - where he must produce a series of community announcements, warning children against the dangers of moose tipping. During this period of reflective solitude, he joins an amnesty group for wayward chicken farmers and later saves a puppy from being drowned by an enraged pastor who believes the communists have taken over the Norwegian Postal Service.

Rated R18+ for explicit under age drinking, profanity and a game of Star Wars monopoly that ends in a three hour siege.

35

In The Glare Of Burning Churches (aka Hey Nonny Nonny The Cat’s Got Into The Cream Again)

Vargii, a troubled Norwegian teen, disillusioned with life above the Arctic Circle (not to mention the drudgery of being the only son of conservative herring breeders), paints his face, records a raw Black Metal demo tape and sets about burning a chain of drive thru waffle houses in order to voice his distrust of the “ruling classes”. As punishment for his crimes, a court sentences him to 300 hours community service - where he must produce a series of community announcements, warning children against the dangers of moose tipping. During this period of reflective solitude, he joins an amnesty group for wayward chicken farmers and later saves a puppy from being drowned by an enraged pastor who believes the communists have taken over the Norwegian Postal Service.

Rated R18+ for explicit under age drinking, profanity and a game of Star Wars monopoly that ends in a three hour siege.

Win.

[laugh]

36

Alain, a washed up 80’s industrial music icon spends his frazzled, hazy days chain smoking and drowning himself in hard liquor. Then, one fateful day, through a chance encounter with a talking sea lion named Francois, washed up on a San Diego beach, Alain learns to live and to love again and discovers the true meaning of happiness. In a moving final act, he kills the sea lion and hangs the stuffed carcass above his liquor cabinet in the games room.

.

And the Oscar goes to…

(It sounds like something Tao Lin would write, and Sofia Coppola or Spike Jonze would direct)

37

A Honting We Will Go, Poindexter

On the way back from a Mexican siesta in an Albuquerque mosque, three rather inebriated prongers with a penchant for beer, pretzels and humming the collected works of Gilbert & Sullivan, stop off at a spooky mansion motel overlooking a haunted forest that appears to be in the process of being subdivided by Japanese investors.

Upon checking in, the clueless trio discover to their horror that they have unwittingly become witness to a once in a century event - a black mass summoning of the ancient demon, Maleshcian, a malicious spirit known for possessing wayward dairy farmers, talking loudly at the cinema and his rather charming impersonations of Glen Miller.

Together the fortuitous prongers must rely on their wits, their charm and the help of a rather confused looking Wilford Brimley (who just stopped in for pie and coffee it must be noted) if they are ever to get out alive…!!!

38

[reply]Alain, a washed up 80’s industrial music icon spends his frazzled, hazy days chain smoking and drowning himself in hard liquor. Then, one fateful day, through a chance encounter with a talking sea lion named Francois, washed up on a San Diego beach, Alain learns to live and to love again and discovers the true meaning of happiness. In a moving final act, he kills the sea lion and hangs the stuffed carcass above his liquor cabinet in the games room.

Change “Alain” to “Elaine” and have Johnny Depp play the part in full Capt. Jack costume with zero irony. Of course, Rob Zombie will direct for his first feel-good drama feature.

Also, the stuffed carcass hangs on his mic stand for the comeback tour montage over end credits, of course. Though Rob Zombie plays Freebird instead of Ghouldiggers.