We’ve had similar threads before, I know. But this time, there’s a catch. This time, you need to name the ten worst albums you have ever HEARD from start to finish by a band that you like AT LEAST one other album of. You cannot include an album by an artist you dislike. Also, you have to give a reason as to why you have included it on the list. And NO Ministry or Marilyn Manson. We’ve gone over these two artists FAR too many times to keep repeating the same things over and over. Try for some variety this time. Shouldn’t be too hard if you think about it.
Oh and NO St Anger either. That’s a cop out!!!
So…
10. Butthole Surfers - Weird Revolution
Face it, The Butthole Surfers were whack. Back in the day, they were a name to be feared and respected. Along with Sonic Youth, Swans, Big Black and The Birthday Party they more or less ruled the 80’s from on high. Anyone with an appreciation for weird/art/psychelic alternative rock who doesn’t acknowledge the Surfers’ reign is just wrong. Completely wrong. Rembrandt Pussyhorse, Locust Abortion, Hairway To Steven. All gems. All untouchable. And then something completely unexpected happened around the beginning of the 90’s. The Surfers got major airplay??? Granted, the world didn’t stop turning and come to a grinding halt…but it was jawdropping enough. Was this a sell out in itself? No, not necessarily. Look at Sonic Youth or Nirvana. Both survived the transition impeccably.Not so The Surfers. In 2001 they dropped THIS on us. A howlingly awful pop rock dance abortion with Gibby Haynes, once the most feared madman in rock, now aping contemporaries like Beck and rapping like some lame-o major label douche. First off, we got the rather insipid lead single The Shame Of Life, itself a ho hum successor to their previous “smash hit” Pepper. It stunk bad enough, but worse, MUCH WORSE was to come. In it’s wake The Surfers dished up embarrassingly bad sing-along dance pop like Intelligent Guy, Mexico, Shit Like that and Jet Fighter. The icing on the cake however, came in the form of the giant pop turd that was Dracula From Houston…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fOEmqeVO_w
Sounding for all the world like a John Cougar Mellancamp dance/rap parody from hell, this shitheap of a song was something you’d expect sounding out the closing credits in Shrek 3, while CGI donkeys bounced along in time to the rhythm. It was an absolute joke and a completely unintentional one at that. The fact that the Surfers have not been seen anywhere near a recording studio since, speaks volumes about just how career derailing this whole episode was. Unfortunately, I don’t think their 80’s cred will be enough to wipe the stain of this abortion from our collective memories. And that’s no joke!!
9. Devo - Smooth Noodle Maps
Devo were already at the end of their rope when they released this forgettable bunch of synth pop failures at the beginning of 1990 and probably should have called it a day several years earlier. Unfortunately they decided to give it one more go before retiring to make music for kids tv shows and the result is a bargain basement howler with really only lead single “Stuck In A Loop” worth its weight. They reunited some twenty years later and produced a half decent comeback album, but it’s going to take more than that to erase the dirty memory of the one and only foray into the 1990’s. It’s a shame really, but there you go.
8. The Cult - The Cult
I’m not, nor never was, the biggest Cult fan, but this was supposed to be their big comeback after several years of mediocrity. But it failed to deliver on any level whatsoever. All we got was a dozen songs of aimless posturing and posing, macho rock workouts that left their fans either sniggering or yawning. Barely a catchy hook or melody to be found anywhere. A complete and utter waste of time. Star, Joy, Scarred Life…phew, they just stunk up the place. I ended up embarrassed to admit I once liked them after this. Still am.
7. The Orb - Cydonia
The Orb were great. GREAT I tells ya. The Pink Floyd of techno, they were the druggy essence of the 1990’s. I almost got stoned merely thinking about them. Culminating in the awesome proggy brilliance of 1995’s Orbus Terrarum, they could barely put a foot wrong. That is until 2001 - the same year The Surfers dropped Weird Revolution (hang on…what happened that year!!!). when they decided to release the grating and nausea inducing snooze fest that was Cydonia. Instead of the druggy, proggy brilliance of old, now they were dishing up poppy, new age shit beats with some Japanese chick singing over the top:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fOEmqeVO_w
Yikes!! And the rest of the album wasn’t much better. It just staggers me how such a creative force could suddenly turn so sickly saccharine. Perhaps the drugs dried up, who knows? The ideas certainly did!!
6. Killing Joke - Extremities, Dirt And Various Repressed Emotions
No, I didn’t pick Outside The Gate. And for good reason too. This one beats it hands down in terms of sheer awfulness. At least Outside The Gate had the odd tune here and there. But this was just a barrage of ungodly noise from beginning to end. Uggh. I know a lot of people here are going to disagree but I’ve got to stand my ground. Extremities is The Joke at its most arrogant and unlistenable. And Money Is Not Our God is hands down the worst thing they ever released!! EVER!!! Yuck.
5. SPK - Machine Age Voodoo
In 1984, for no other reason than…they thought they could, SPK, one time “enfant terribles” of the industrial music scene released a dance pop album. “OK, but pop music in itself is not such a bad thing is it?” I hear you ask. No it isn’t. However when your form of “pop music” sounds like this…:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km_2OucujoU
4. Dinosaur Jr - Hand It Over
Quite possibly the worst noisy “slacker” indie rock album ever made. This is from the band who more or less invented noisy slacker indie rock in the first place with 1987’s BRILLIANT Yr Living All Over Me album. Hand it over was balls. Utter balls. When the mighty fall, they fall hard…Not a single memorable song to be heard. And the album artwork was the laziest I have ever witnessed.
3. Alice Cooper - Zipper Catches Skin
I think this was one of those albums that Alice cannot remember making due to the ill effects of his (at the time) on going alcohol addiction. And it’s a good thing he doesn’t remember either. Cos…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=El7d-vdlLzU
Yeah. I’m glad you agree. This is enough to make any old rock star pull a Kurt Cobain…
2. Bathory - Octagon
The WORST of any Bathory album (including ‘Requiem’, the album that preceeds this one). If you’re looking for the black/viking metal that defined Bathory in the 80’s then look elsewhere. Sure, Octagon has all the trademarks that make black metal so appealing in the first place - metal thin guitars, biscuit-tin drums, borderline unlistenable production…but here, Quorthon decides to “reinvent” himself as…a punk!! Shame then that he forgot to write anything worthy of being called “punk” in the first place. He seemingly has no grasp or understanding of the genre whatsoever. Utterly tuneless shouting, boring punk styled thrash workouts and none of the blackness or the vitriol he’s known for. The songs: like leftovers from ‘Requiem’ with ridiculous social commentary (“Century”) or lyrics that are just over-the-top try hard “shock” (“33 Something”), which describes John Wayne Gacy’s sex murders in repulsively explicit detail. Did Quorthon REALLY want this album to come out this way?
‘Octagon’ is so bad it makes you wish they never existed in the first place. Avoid this one like the plague.
1. Primal Scream - Riot City Blues
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItKCtrEWGk4
Quite simply the worst album I have heard by a band I once liked. Words fail so I’ll just let the “music” do the talking…