I had an African internet scammer contact me a week ago via FB and we chatted for a while. She asked if I was in the entertainment industry and I told her I was Alex Trebek (she did not know who Alex was). She told me a bunch of her hard luck story about how her father molested her, her husband beat her, her grandma tried to kill them, her life is hard, she needs a miracle . . . blah blah blah. Sorry I didn’t document the transcript, but it was pretty ridiculous.
She told me that she was an actress and trying to get work. She told me she was an attractive redhead and I told her to send me some photos.
As you can see . . . she’s quite the looker (she also said she was 35).
So, I told her about my producer friend, Ed McMahon and his assistant, Jimmy, who are working on developing a new film.
My “letter to Mr. McMahon” (I copied her on it, of course)
Mr. Edward McMahon,
First off, thank you for meeting me last Thursday to discuss our financial needs for the new show.
The reason I’m contacting you today, though, is because I was recently contacted by Miss Cathlene who is an actress in South Africa. I’ve forwarded you her photographs and she says that she will have some new ones soon which we will also forward to you.
Anyway, I promised her that I would mention her to you as she is currently looking for work. I’ll let you review and write to her directly (please keep me copied on this as per our usual contractual agreements) but as an initial thought, I’m sure you remember we had a pitch from Charlie that was looking for a red-haired lady. Anyway, if there’s no interest I’m sorry for the bother, but I know you are always looking for something different and she does seem to have a unique character about her.
Wishing you the best in all your recent works,
Al
She was excited about the opportunity and I told her . . .
Cathlene,
I spoke to Mr. McMahon. He is on travel scouting locations for some of his projects, but he told me that there might be some opportunities available .
. .
Please send your resume, indicating any recent acting experience, and any examples you may have of your recent works. You can email an mpv or mp4 file, or if you have anything online (YouTube or similar) you can just send us the direct link.
We’ll send you some details on the project after we’ve had a chance to review anything you can send us.
Best Regards,
Al
A bit of delay . . .
hi, i am using an internet cafe machine, as my computer exploded. thanks to local services, i have to now wait until i have money to have it fixed i will email you the cv tomorrow, as i will be there the whole day, trying to retrieve my hard drive, well whats left of it anyway. thanks
Then PAYDIRT:
My name is CM
I was born in Somerset West, in the Western Cape on July 21st 1974
Born a Cancerian, I have some special traits and abilities, which make me a good candidate To work with.
I love working with people, to me, I can learn so much from all walks of life, and I find it extremely satisfying to learn new skills from other people.
I am a caring, sophisticate and extremely talented young lady.
I was in all concerts and choirs at schools I attended, and did two films as extras.
Unfortunately it was short lived due to a investigation into the directors and producers of the two films, where they had discovered that they were involved in child pornography and paraphernalia of children and young adults, and rape.
I had put all my money into this company and they promised to hook me up with other producers and find me work, but was unsuccessful.
The judge In this case however, could not retrieve the movies, as lack of funds had closed the film business down and the tapes never made it to the big screen. It was destroyed.
If I had to describe my abilities it would be:
I am a good screamer. I can give a big cold chilling scream, to leave audiences feeling the fear in my voice, I can dance, I can sing and I can act very well, I am interested in reality, romance, drama, comedy, western, war , and documentary and action.
My biggest dream is to become a goodwill ambassador for my country and make caring changes where possible.
I would love to work with robin Williams, as we are born on the same day. I would like to work with Rob Patterson, Zac Effron, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Angelina Jolie, Kate winslet, Kiera knightly and so on.
I would like to work with the likes of Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson.
I keep fit, by playing with swords, walking and swimming in the sea. I take good care of myself, by eating healthy and to keep my mind just as healthy I council suicide junkies and rape victims, via my cell phone, I have 98% success rate in turning their lives around and giving their lives to God.
One bad habit: maybe I will keep that to myself. I like to have a cigarette now and then. I do not drink much; occasionally I will have a drink.
I have another quality which I need to work on and that is, I am a perfectionist, and I feel, I will push myself to the limits, to achieve my goals.
My best assets will have to be, my eyes, my small dainty hands and feet and definitely my angelic voice.
My biggest achievements in life, is I survived 6 years of torture and in 2000, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, which I was at that stage weighing a heave 104 kgs.
I have since then, lost more than half my body weight and managed to maintain my weight.
I love a challenge and see people for who they are on the inside, I don’t judge people, and I have a philosophy, we are all born clean, and during life, we will make some royal doozies, which I am not denying, as I am sure every one of us has made mistakes in our lives, but God is merciful and gave us the tools to learn from our mistakes, teach those who are younger, but to allow them to make mistakes and learn the valuable lesson God intended us to learn.
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me a little bit better.
Name: CM
Stage Name: CM
Age: 36 years old
Height: 1.68
Weight: 58 kg
Bust Size: 42 D
Hair: Red, with natural highlights
Eyes: Dark Blue
Skin Complexion: Fair, freckles
Legs: long
Shoe size: 4/5 depending on the style of the shoe
Passport: Yes
Identity Document: Yes
Identity Number: ******
Status: Single
address: ********
Jeffreys Bay
South Africa
Contact no: ****
contact Info: ****
Languages: English , Afrikaans,
Sex: Female
work done:
I have been in all school plays and choirs, I was paid R2,00 to look busy in a park, when the director told me I had a natural talent, and as soon as I left school, I pursued my ambition to become an actress.
It turned out, unfortunately that the film was not completed due to sexual misconduct from two parties and lack of funds. The perpetrators were charged too, with pornographic pictures of children. I signed up with an agent, which is as I found out very unfortunate, that the money I saved three years for to get into and sign up, was fraudulent. They never put me on their books, and I never got any work, so I was rather shocked and upset when I found out that this agency was in actual fact bogus and had gone bang. I learnt a very hard lesson.
I am a very compassionate person, I view myself as a hard worker, and I take my work very seriously.
Likes:
I like to give back to the community, in any way possible. At the moment, I council suicide junkies, 99% of them, have given their lives to God, I council Rape Victims, and have worked with aids patients, help build the church and started a vegetable garden, to generate an income to help the needy.
My project now, is called the Mackenzie project, where us as a family are gathering blankets and cleaning aids, soft toys and books for children, where we intend, working with the police, in handing it out to the old people in my community. We also have agreed to take the hankey children’s home, to a dvd at our house once a month, to give them a different scene, than what they experience in a town situated 2 hours from where I stay.
Dislikes: People, who lie, cheat hurt and bulling and impatient people and last but not least, people with an over inflated opinion of themselves
Wishes for the future: To be able to work with well-known actors, such as, John Travolta, Orlando Bloom, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee’s nephew a good friend of mine, Gary Sinese
ECT. and make a difference to the world.
I believe that dynamite comes in small packages, and every person has the gifts that God has given them, to use them and strive to appreciate them.
References:
Please contact the following people
So, with the big game in my site, I decided to pull the trigger and hope for the best.
Cathlene,
Mr. McMahon and I have reviewed your resume and it is very interesting to say the least. We are looking for a lady with a fiery personality who can help us bring real passion to our project and it seems you may be that type of person. As I mentioned before we are working fast to screen candidates so we will need your quick cooperation to make this happen. Let me tell you a little bit about our film.
“Red House” is the story of a tough and street-smart lady who is cool-headed but also a force to be reckoned with. “Red”, the main character, is hired to work at a local bar where she must be the head of security. Using her wits as well as her fists and feet, she keeps order in the local tavern and later must take on a group of corrupt men terrorizing the small town.
It is a very active roll and will call for some combat scenes. As you mention some experience with sword play it sounds like you are already in shape for this. Anyway, we will need the following by Monday, the 13th.
- 3 screen tests. These are quick video clips that you will make of yourself that will help us assess your talents and strengths for the camera. The three screen tests are as below:
-
Personal Bio: Tell us about yourself and why you should be considered for the position. We want to get to know your personality.
-
Physical Skills: Show us any skills that you think you are strong at and would make you a good candidate. Be sure to include the sword play and singing as we are already looking forward to that from your CV. We would also like to see the following “attacks”: Roundhouse Kick, Punch, Headlock. We would prefer you showcase them with a partner (you do not have to actually hurt them), but if you cannot, just show us your form as you strike the wind.
-
Character Feel: These are very quick line readings (you should have them memorized) from the script. Please understand that what we are primarily looking for here is emotional intensity so please tap into that
inner fire and let it burn hot. We do not usually give second chances on our preliminary screenings so be sure to give it all you got. It is YOUR interpretation, so feel free to wear whatever costume you think best and
use your physical skills to your best advantage.
These are the lines we will need you to perform:
Scene 1 (verbal):
RED: “All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three [pause] be nice. If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won’t walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you, and you’ll both be nice. I want you to remember that it’s a job. It’s nothing personal.”
Scene 2 (facial intensity): This is just one line, but it is very important as it is like a catchphrase of the character (much like “I’ll be back” for Arnold Schwarzenegger). The important thing is that we feel the intensity.
Look straight into the camera and make us feel fear as if we are about to actually be beaten by Red.
RED: “Pain don’t hurt!”
FORMATTING: We will take your video submissions in two forms. You may email us the video clips or you may post them to a weblocation where we can view them there (send us the links so we can view them).
Thank you for your prompt cooperation. Mr. McMahon is looking forward to seeing your videos.
Best of luck with the project.
Jimmy
I didn’t see any video in the morning, so I gave a gentle reminder . . .
On Mon, Dec 13, 2010 at 6:14 PM
Ms. Mackenzie,
We never received any of the requested screen tests from you or any response concerning our request. Hence we will be proceeding with the project and pursuing other candidates so that we can continue with development and funding accordingly.
We wish you the best of luck in your future projects.
Jimmy
Oh, yeah . . . . here it comes . . .
excuse me, but i did send it
via my dad’s email. *****@mweb.co.za
please check again and let me know
thank you
AND . . . . SCORE!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCznBF8x9js
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVxzB-BfXts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vaVmMfxNiY
There’s also one where she sings but it’s not very good.
Thank you, Cathlene. Mr. Ed McMahon and I reviewed your videos today. While it is apparent that you have some potential, I must be honest and say that it will not be reasonable to work under these conditions. The video quality is horrible and we cannot even hear what you are saying in them.
And considering you are filming these in a cafe or internet station and you are limited in both volume and movement, It makes it impossible for us to properly evaluate your acting skills. As I mentioned before, physicality and intense drama are very critical to this role and it seems that, with the circumstances you are working with you are not able to show us either of these.
Thank you so much for your time and we wish you the best of luck with your career. As a bit of professional advice, I would recommend that you get a portable camera with better quality so that you can make some better samples for the next time you have an opportunity.
So sorry this did not work out,
Jimmy
Production and Development - BTF
dear alex,
thank you so much for trying to help
under the curse that we find ourselves, struggling to survive from day to day, my screen test was not good enough for them, i used our skype camera, as the universe decieded i don’t deserve to have one, as it was stolen, but thank you for your help.
i am in a hell of a state, and don’t know what to do. hope you have a blessed christmas
your friend
cm
I’m a nice guy . . .
Well, at least you tried.
All the best,
Alex