New Troll Tips for Tired Australians

Discussion
1

Since Olspeligrambulux seems to be stuck in a rut and can’t seem to break out of his box, I thought maybe a few tips could help him out for his future online personas so they might have a shelf life a bit longer than milk.

  1. Stop making all your accounts from Australia. Mix it up a bit. Don’t worry if you don’t know about the US or whatever country you choose to make your next identity from. I assure you no one is going to hold you accountable on it. But Australia is a bit of a red flag when you’re ticking all the other boxes anyway.

  2. Don’t make all your accounts friends with each other and use them to verify the authenticity of one another. This may have been a rather ballsy move with a payoff at the beginning, but the problem is that once you’ve had one account compromised the rest come down with it.

  3. No need to make really detailed and convoluted biographies. People don’t really interact like that in real life. They tend to start relationships (even online) a bit slow and only start revealing vulnerable personal details over time. They don’t just say, “Hi, I’m Australian, nice to meet you! Let me unload my life story and all my personal emotional baggage right here!” It’s just not realistic.

  4. Don’t make every character like the same crappy music. Again, some variety is key. Not everyone in the world is gay for Godflesh (no, not even in Australia) or Merzbow. Most people hate that garbage so play the odds in your favor. Make one like NIN and Metallica or something. Swallow your pride. Take a big lick of that corporate dick and you’ll find you’ll get some more mileage.

  5. Not every character should have a raging boner for Grumpy and Gunnar. It’s really silly to have people come in as “noobs” and start throwing bitchfits about the two board members that you already spend your life obsessing about. Maybe start some conflict with others first to try and throw a bit of smoke out there. Or at least take only one G at a time. You can’t handle either, so why exert yourself trying to take both at once? It’s just silly dreaming on your part. Ease back, Son. Tortoise and hare, you know?

Anyway, some of the other seasoned veterans around here might have some additional constructive criticism for you, but I think these tips can get you started pretty strongly if you actually apply them effectively and don’t just shit yourself on the introduction or shortly thereafter.

Think outside the box.

We look forward to meeting you again. And again.

2

This is grmpysmrf, and I approve this message.

3

I think having them from the US is key. Any other country at this point will most likely arouse suspicion rather quickly.

But it should probably be from a state that no other member is from… In order to avoid the possibility of a meet up. (Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, etc come to mind).

A 39 year old male from Cape Code, who is a New England Patriots fan, loves Pantera, Slayer and Ministry (with Paul Barker), who thinks Dark Side Of Spoon sucks, and who drinks Sam Adams…

That would be a good start.

4

Cunt this!! I’m a noob, who has been a longtime lurker and what you say is cuntshit.

I’ll give you some rules, you two should stop circle jerking each other and listen to some real man music! Fucking Whitehouse!

I only say this because recently my cute transgendered Pygmalion girlfriend left me standing empty handed at the altar. I had refinanced my home to pay for the wedding and now they have taken everything I own, it’s been a hard time for me and I get tired of this place becoming nothing more than Gunnar and Grmpy’s private forum pissing match.

5

I recommend for Internet trolling a class at a local Berlitz language school. Costs a few kronor, yes, but is truly worth it.

This guy learned how to speak fluent American English in this way, and is now impossible to distinguish from a ‘native’, yes? My favorite was learning that the word “fuckin” can have whatever grammatical function one wants, its sign of a deeply sophisticated language!

Anyway yes, these courses has helped me to create many world-class troll personas by increasing my natural speaking ability. Berlitz fuckin rules!

6

I recommend for Internet trolling a class at a local Berlitz language school. Costs a few kronor, yes, but is truly worth it.

Nah, Martin Atkins offers the same course for only 12 times the cost, and I get valuable job experience as well . . . packing boxes, shipping boxes, breaking down boxes, recycling boxes . . . .

7

I would be inclined to say that we need some new Australians to put their tips into some tired trolls.