I always thought Grumpy was a James Hetfield lookalike, who rode a mountain bike, drank Coors by the gallon, was an avid big game hunter and had a degree in political science.
But that’s just silly…
I’m afraid you’re wrong, Jizzwad, on nearly every count. Seriously - I know the dude, and you couldn’t be farther off. Olsen was closer.
But, be that as it may, do me, now! Really, I’m curious about your profile. I’ll fill you in afterwards. Say whatever you like, honestly, I’m very curious to see what you think.
Christonabun
I have this new hobby.
I like to speculate on the appearance, personal background, and character traits of forum posters and users. In short people who express themselves w/o revealing themeselves or what they look like. For diversion I conjure up hypothetical profiles based on what I can gather from the posts or rants. I’ve never been right yet.
paradox anyone?
I have this new hobby.
I like to speculate on the appearance, personal background, and character traits of forum posters and users. In short people who express themselves w/o revealing themeselves or what they look like. For diversion I conjure up hypothetical profiles based on what I can gather from the posts or rants. I’ve never been right yet.
But that doesn’t stop me.
Now w/ the Ministry Prongs site, I have been specualting on grumpysmurf. I’ve never met him, I don’t know what he looks like or anything about him other than the fights w/ peligro. Hence, any resemblence between the real grumpysmurf and the deftly-executed potrait that follows is sheer dumb luck. W/ that disavowal, here goes:
After analyzing the flame war a bit, I have concluded that grumpy is about 5’ 3", 197 pounds, with brown eyes, and short curly brown hair. A mole rests delicately on his right jawbone; on his lip, an elfin fine fringe of hair an uncharitable person might call a mustache. Around the apartment he is given to wearing a sweatshirt ( no writing or sly motto on the sweatshirt, of course ) and jeans. But for concerts or clubs he dons all black. Grump does not believe clothes mirror the inner soul; he reads Rolling Stone, A.P. Spin, and the New Yorker. ( Ocassionally ) several ‘little’ fanzines or one or two well chosen blogs and most of the major metal-fandom periodicals ( except for the Grimoire, of course, which is grounds for being called a nazi, anti - homosexual or a bigot ).
After a brilliant but socially - unrewarding high school career, grumpy attended one of the major eastern colleges, majoring in need I say it?
English.
There he gained distinction for flawless and closely argued demoltions of minor poems by Angelou and for a lengthy exegesis of pastoral imagery in the works of Faulkner. After seizing and escaping w/ an M.A., grumpy met his current wife. They started a small indie college record shop together. He intoduced her to Ministry and Prongs, and the rest was history.
Grumpy’s hobbies are few, restricted mainly to record collecting and scholarship, occasional W.S. Burroughs sci-fi and P.K. Dick novels or watching PBS. Most of his time is taken up with running his shop and raising his son, Conrad. He and his wife have agreed that they won’t spank or otherwise ihibit the developement of their offspring. Grumpy’s wife is exceptionally fond of hot spiced cider, hot fudge sundaes, and granola, but has not yet given up the idea of trying to lose weight someday - purely for reasons of health, and not to satisfy the arbitrary demands of a sexist stereo type - ridden society. Grumpy is a political independent w/ liberal democrat leanings; he is against nuclear energy, prior restraint, strip mining, off shore oil wells, and the space program. He is for natural cereals, solar research, foreign automobiles, goverment investigations of oil companies, commercial free saturday morning tv, better rape laws, abolishing the death penalty, Ang Lee ( Brokeback Mountain says Grumpy was flawed but definitely a cut above the standard pap in it’s merciless delineation of the essential inhumanity of man ) and sex education in schools. As a child grumpy somewhat reluctantly supported Carter in 76 and McGovern in 72. He was for Jerry Brown until Doonesbury showed him up.
Grumpy’s favorite writers are, London and Nabakov. Mailer is too egocentric, he feels, and Vidal has lost any claim to credibility. Singer is nice but Bellow is clearly overrated. Woody Allen and Spielberg are the only ones trying anything new in American cinema, except for Altman, whom nobody understands; Bergman just kept getting better and better but wasint it a shame what happened to Bertolucci and Fellini?
Finally, grumpy smokes a pack and a half a day and is for marijuana reform. That is all, to date, that I’ve been able to glean from his rantings. More time will be necessary to decide on subtler matters, such as whether his penis is 2 or 3 inches long.
And just to put yr minds at ease: as you’ve no doubt already decided, I am in fact six-foot-four perfectly built, long hair, and have a mellow baritone voice and hazel eyes, and bear a remarkable resemblance to Pete Steele.
LOL obviously you don’t pay attention to avitars OR this is Fishing for info about
me…putting a whole bunch of Bullshit just so I can correct you or a long winded attempt at humor.
I’ll give ya a few nuggets…
Smoke and and drink nothing
6’2 230lbs
Not married
B.A In Sociology from a state school.
that’s all ya get. If you want anymore just take everything you wrote and opposite it. Especially the NASA program and spanking children part
Late,
grmpysmrf
I’m afraid you’re wrong, Jizzwad, on nearly every count. Seriously - I know the dude, and you couldn’t be farther off. Olsen was closer.
But, be that as it may, do me, now! Really, I’m curious about your profile. I’ll fill you in afterwards. Say whatever you like, honestly, I’m very curious to see what you think.
Christonabun
I don’t think his “profiling” was real, dude. just a long winded back handed way of calling me a pussy!
Late,
grmpysmrf
This board is getting ridiculous.
This board is getting ridiculous.
getting?
Late,
grmpysmrf
Smoke and and drink nothing
6’2 230lbs
Not married
B.A In Sociology from a state school.
that’s all ya get. If you want anymore just take everything you wrote and opposite it. Especially the NASA program and spanking children part
Late,
grmpysmrf
Y’know, Jeebsy ol’ boy, for a minute there I thought you were going to accuse jizzwad/nukefrance/pea-brain/whatever the fuck of being me! And that would have been cause for all out war.
Sociology!? Hmmm. Yeah, I guess that fits. Actually, (begrudgingly) I must admit, I have always felt that you were one of the more articulate members of the forum. You certainly don’t seem Piss Army material that’s for sure. Even your flaming is measured and sensible and rarely, if ever, scrapes the depths of the all too typical “fuck yo mamma” responses that litter most heavy music forums (ie bunglefever…shudder).
There, whaddaya know - a compliment!!
Idiots.
Grmpysmrf is three apples high, has blue skin, and always wears white pants and a white hat with no shirt. He lives in a mushroom, and is a misanthrope who publicly declares his hatred for everything, the single exception being the lone adult female in his community.
You guys are fuckin retarded. I love it.
it’s good to see that people are STILL dissing the PA over here.
-EDIT-
oh damn, i forgot the most important part to a flame war:
/popcorn
I’ve got me a nine ounce bag of Smartfood here, mm mm. [:P]
[reply]
Smoke and and drink nothing
6’2 230lbs
Not married
B.A In Sociology from a state school.
that’s all ya get. If you want anymore just take everything you wrote and opposite it. Especially the NASA program and spanking children part
Late,
grmpysmrf
Y’know, Jeebsy ol’ boy, for a minute there I thought you were going to accuse jizzwad/nukefrance/pea-brain/whatever the fuck of being me! And that would have been cause for all out war.
Sociology!? Hmmm. Yeah, I guess that fits. Actually, (begrudgingly) I must admit, I have always felt that you were one of the more articulate members of the forum. You certainly don’t seem Piss Army material that’s for sure. Even your flaming is measured and sensible and rarely, if ever, scrapes the depths of the all too typical “fuck yo mamma” responses that litter most heavy music forums (ie bunglefever…shudder).
There, whaddaya know - a compliment!![/reply]
that’s pretty funny, Dude! still feels a little back handed but hey it’s a start! Thanks for the honest musings (if indeed they are).
Peligro, when you have sarcastic comments that’s fine just don’t aim that people on the board. That’s the only thing that has kept you negative in my mind. This last post and the start of the post before last (broke down a little at the end though) are fine. just normal banter on any particular thread. We obviosuly aren’t going to agree politacally, we’re coming from two different environments. Feel free to be sarcastic as you want and disagree, hell even go below the realms of good taste if you want… just keep it to the ideas at hand and not the person. We don’t really know anything about the people on the board so to speculate on character traits and then bash on them just seems really juvenile.
Whether somebody likes Frankin or O’reilly (I detest both but those are the only two that I think specifically and willingly try to misrepresent the truth for either side) doesn’t really matter as long as the person who follows them knows why they follow them. And to date I haven’t heard anything from the Right (on this board) as to why these pundits should be trusted. I’ve also not heard any specifics as to why the left is constantly wrong. I try to offer up suggestions as to why I’m right and your wrong but all I (or anyone gets) get in return is useless ad hominems give me something I can use…something I can wrap my little brain around and ponder… see what I mean?
You’re obviously a smart dude to come up with the conclusions you come up with I just think you come up with alot of your ideas based on misinformation. I could be wrong, BUT let me see your pathways to your reasoning and we can duke it out that way.
You know, I like ministry (it was the first music of it’s kind that I had ever heard) and I like to come to the site but it sucks when there is so much bitching on the board. You know, alot of people are tired of Al’s bush rants. I personally am not, I happen to like politcally charged music. I think it’s far more constructive than the normal, “I fucked that dead bitch’s corpse the other day” type music that has been coming out. So I’m still digging the new shit, but I don’t defend Al nor do I talk shit to all of you that are sick of him. I’m not telling you to leave I’m not telling you to shut up. We should be able to exist on the board with out these warring little factions. Since I do like Ministry I’m probably gonna like whatever he puts out unless it a return to Twitch and before, type music. There is no point to make this an us and them board; stupid people who still like AL & Co. and the smart ones who bitch about him. Here’s hoping that things calm down and have a return to happier days, like when I joined this forum. Good day, sir
Late,
grmpysmrf
he he!
Actually, I must explain the reason I got my back up when you were “trolling” Peligro.
We go back some way (in fact he was the one who emailed me the link to this forum and suggested I join in, many moons ago) Peligro and I. In fact, I would consider him to be one of my closest friends, so I s’pose you can excuse my less than friendly reply to your actions, grmpy. No harm intended. The ‘Assie’ remark kinda baited me aswell.
Although I really don’t wanna give too much away or speak on his behalf - and be severly reprimanded later - I think I can safely say he’s nothing like the person you described him as in one of your earlier flames. He’s certainly no “pussy” (I’m pretty sure he could kick my ass) nor is he the hateful little nerd you made him out to be (he’s dating a HOT asian pole dancer!!). The guy is about 6ft2 and works out like a trojan - although he’s a total pacifist, who I don’t think has ever thrown a punch in his life. Not that he couldn’t (he has one evil motherfucking temper) if he felt the need.
He’s actually a highly regarded authority on electronic music, in these parts, and has written several articles for mags like The Wire as well as for numerous local Australian indie scribes. Because he is so involved in the scene, and knows the who’s who, I’ve had the opportunity to meet plenty of interesting artists through him - like Richard D James, Merzbow, Christian Fennesz, Farmer’s Manual, David Shea and Autechre to name a few. Which was pretty damn cool.
SO yeah, just thought I’d clear the mud here (he he!). I s’pose he does deserve the odd flame now and then. Although he’s not hateful in real life, he does quite often across as condescending and a bit of a know it all (especially when it comes to art/film/music). But I’d put that down to ‘educated arrogance’.
Well…I’d better shut up and stop there, before I get myself killed!!
Fingers crossed…
Olsen = pleligro = lorax = sparrow = arlington road = horn bearer = skarr = ( drum roll ) …
Christian Fennesz.
I’ve wondered what had happened to Fennesz
Late,
grmpysmrf
Olsen = pleligro = lorax
You are an idiot.
Pity I give him; awe and wonder, no.
Where do you hang out when you’re NOT trolling this forum? My guess is A) The local library and B) <insert any fast food burger joint here>
Did prongs switch URLs with piss army?
Seems that way. [crazy]
Olsen = pleligro = lorax = sparrow = arlington road = horn bearer = skarr = ( drum roll ) …
Christian Fennesz. A wealthy privately educated austrian albino macrocephalic trust fund kitten devoid of any secondary sexual characteristics.
Currently drives a BMW motorcycle, convertible Saab, and Volvo station wagon ( main ride ).
Much like his good friend and film director Woody Allen, he is fond of young, flat chested shy, impressionable, japanese women. They enjoy several quiet rowboat picnics in the park together. Characteristics : Fennesz enjoys spinach quiche and has a habit of extending his pinky finger when drinking wine. Subject has a pronounced lisp and is often hyper, disagreeable, and recklessly arrogant…rumours abound that he was actually terminated from Mego. Constantly trolls Ministry forums hoping Jourgensen will notice and use him for ‘ambient’ or ‘glitch’ remix albums.
His parents believe his ‘paranoia’ is just an act and wish he would takes his meds.
Pity I give him; awe and wonder, no.
[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh]
Funniest post I’ve seen here in awhile…
No wonder why Afra doesn’t bother to post here…
Piss Army has switched places with prongs!
HEY BISQUITO ty for the Dead Guy LIVE HA HA
Awwwww…somebody got upset and asked Afra to delete some posts. Guess it’s no fun when somebody else puts a burr under that cowboy’s saddle.
Nope. This forum generally takes care of itself, but when the troll (stupidweed, etc) makes an appearance and drags the place down, I’ll occasionally purge a few things. If you feel like childish name-calling, please go elsewhere.
Olsen = pleligro = lorax = sparrow = arlington road = horn bearer = skarr = ( drum roll ) …
Interesting speculation.
Olsen is a friend of mine. Horn Bearer was my id on Piss Army (man, that place sucked). Joked about being Lorax (seeing as everyone hated him/her on the old board, which I found hilarious). Fennesz was my id on the old board.
Sparrow? Arlington Rd? Skarr? Mmm…can’t help you here old boy. But I must say, I’m honoured you’ve taken so much interest in me. Keep it up.
Christian Fennesz. A wealthy privately educated austrian albino macrocephalic trust fund kitten devoid of any secondary sexual characteristics.
Hmmmm, not really. I’ve met him befoe at a music festival and he’s ok. Helped him out with accomodation while he was in Melbourne.
Loves his wine, women and…er…coke.