I have a Jerry Springer cell phone

Discussion
1

I hate cell phones but I needed one for traveling so I bought one of those cheap Walmart trakphones. I bought 800 minutes which should last me a long time. It appears that whoever had my phone number before me, some woman named Paulette Wooten, was/is having difficulties and I get to hear all about it.

Daily, I receive 3 or 4 calls per day for this woman and occasional text messages. I get to read how guys are “thinking about” her. But more fun is getting phone calls from the power company, gas company, collection agencies, and now investigative offices. It appears that Paulette Wooten did not pay her bills and didn’t bother to notify people of a change of phone number. She is now about to get “picked up” by the man. In fact, I suspect that she is still giving out her old (ie my new) phone number. Last night some dude called me asking for Paulette. I just make stuff up now. Last night when asked I told the guy that I am “The Jam Master”. I think from now on I’m just going to start telling people that Paulette is dead or maybe I will just make sex noises and tell people to call back when I am finished with Paulette. My caller ID says my phone # is still Paulette Wooten.

Anyway, that’s my little slice of Jerry Springer life.

2

Nice! I’ve had calls, but never like that. Mostly this senile lady that never got the hint that the phone number she keeps calling is a guy, and not another old lady. She eventually stopped, but this went on for awhile.

3

Casa De Gunnar – approx 8:31AM April 20, 2011

Caller: “May I speak with Jaime Vargas?”

Me: “No, this is not his number. He doesn’t live here. Please remove my number from your call list.”

Caller: “I don’t have a call list.”

Me: “That’s retarded. You didn’t just randomly decide to call Jaime Vargas. You were told to call this number as some jackass retard thinks Jaime lives here, but he does not. You’re a debt collector and like all the other debt collectors, you’re wasting your time chasing a ghost.”

Caller: “It’s a business matter.”

Me: “Yeah, no shit. The business is he owes you or your client money, just like all the other morons that call or have their computers call my house. I don’t even use this phone number. The only calls we get are for Jaime Vargas. He’s obviously a piece of crap. I don’t let pieces of crap come into my house.”

Caller: “How long have you lived there?”

Me: “I’ve lived in this house for 1 and a half years. It’s brand friggin’ new. No one else has ever lived here. We unfortunately were given Jaime Vargas’ old number from Charter when we moved here.”

Caller: “Is this number in ******* ?”

Me: “No, it’s not. It’s the next city over. We’re in Southern California, though. There’s about 5 Billion Jaime Vargases down here and you’re wasting your time calling the only house where I GUARANTEE you will not find one.”

Caller: “I’ll remove your number from the system.”

Me: “You mean ‘call list’. Thanks, though. Oh, I have one more request.”

Caller: “Yes?”

Me: “When you find Jaime Vargas kick him in the balls and tell him that’s from Gunnar!”

Caller: “Umm…”

Me: “Yeah, and why don’t you kick yourself in the balls while you’re at it!”

4

That’s a great story, especially the Jam Master bit.

Maybe this is her: http://www.myspace.com/paulettewooten

6

awesome thread. I love that you are the jam master. You should prepare a bunch of crazy shit to say ahead of time. maybe next time you can be Master Blaster and start chanting two men enter, one man leaves.

7

Go crazy with this shit. Record it. Send to me for my podcast. 'Twould be dope.