completing the Band Name Trilogy: rage-inducing band names

Ok everybody, in order to get your degree in “Aesthetics of Band Naming” from Prongs University, you must officially participate in all three band name threads - combo names, imaginary bands, and now band names that cause your blood pressure to go through the roof.

I haven’t worked in a record store for a decade and a half, which has helped my sanity a little. But still, having something at all to do with ‘music,’ I do trip across some band moniker landmines from time to time. One that comes to mind immediately is (Rieflin-esque drum roll):

The Eagles of Death Metal -

Can there be a more self-congratulatory, “we’re so above it all” snarky asshole move than naming your band after TWO musical institutions that are out of sync with hipster orthodoxy? More like “The Eagles of ‘Making Me Want to Throw Them Into An Active Volcano!’” Because of that name I’ve never listened to a single note of this band; every time I so much as saw them mentioned in the paper, I reflexively put on an actual death metal album.

Snot
Salival
Godsmack
Com Truise
Gnarles Barkely

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
Portugal. The Man
Ken Dodd’s Dad’s Dog’s Dead
Fun.
Planes Mistaken For Stars
Panic! At The Disco
moe.
Godspeed You! Black Emperor
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
Does It Offend You, Yeah?

1002

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
Portugal. The Man
Ken Dodd’s Dad’s Dog’s Dead
Fun.
Planes Mistaken For Stars
Panic! At The Disco
moe.
Godspeed You! Black Emperor
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
Does It Offend You, Yeah?

1002

Bleeeechhhh, I second the scorn for punctuation-powered band names. You can add ADULT. and !!! to that list…

Deadmau5

As I Lay Dying
Atreyu
Avenged Sevenfold
Dimmu Borgir
Lana Del Rey
Underoath
Breaking Benjamin
Bullet For My Valentine
Killswitch Engage
Katrina & The Waves

Bell biv devoe

There’s this noise guy that goes by “I Like You Go Home”. I always thought that was a dumb name until I found out that’s what Eric Harris said to this one kid before he walked into Columbine High that morning. [shocked]

The Devil Wears Prada
Slightly Stoopid
Kottonmouth Kings
311
Avenged Sevenfold

There are these guys who have been booking me for shows a lot lately, they are in two bands together which are actually really really cool, but the names are both just totally ridiculous:

32 Piece Vintage Party Set
Pet Rock: The Musical

Five Finger Death Punch

iwrestledabearonce

Plain White T’s
moe.
Hobostank

Good calls all, so far - can’t say I really disagree with any of these.

I think a common denominator for ‘hated names’, for me, is when the name is just some arbitrary, cute string of words that doesn’t describe the band’s sound at all.

Ministry (whoa! reverting to the board topic!) is a good band name because the band ‘lives up to that name’ in its best moments: authoritarian, arrogant, powerful etc. Same for something like Godflesh. Coil is a great name because of the word’s manifold meanings; it fits well with the band’s own ambiguous and constantly shifting sound.

Skinny Puppy on the other hand, has never felt like a good match for their music. They could have picked far better verbiage to convey the theme of cruelty to animals and destruction of the biosphere. Hell, even ‘Emaciated Puppy’ would have been more in tune with Ogre’s lyrics

Plain White T’s
moe.
Hobostank

Hahaha I think the band name is “Hoobastank”, but I like that version better…they deserve a lifelong curse of “Hobo Stank” for making that stinky name.

Blood on the Dance Floor

It’s already a suspect name because, as I’ve gone on record, I hate any band whose name is a sentence or part of a sentence.

But this one is just deceiving too. I mean, it kind of sounds like it’s going to be aggressive or maybe a little badass. Yeah, not quite. I dare anyone to pull up some of their videos on YouTube and take a taste.

Blood On The Dance Floor is also the name of one of Michael Jackson’s last albums. One that pretty much flopped nonetheless.

Tomasz, do you even know how the name Eagles Of Death Metal was thought up? It’s really not a pretentious statement and they can be a fun band every now and then.

[reply]Plain White T’s
moe.
Hobostank

Hahaha I think the band name is “Hoobastank”, but I like that version better…they deserve a lifelong curse of “Hobo Stank” for making that stinky name.[/reply]

Yeah,it didn’t feel like I was spelling it right,I just knew I hated it…

[reply]Plain White T’s
moe.
Hobostank

Hahaha I think the band name is “Hoobastank”, but I like that version better…they deserve a lifelong curse of “Hobo Stank” for making that stinky name.[/reply]

LOL
“Hobostank” is actually almost a GOOD band name.

Tomasz, do you even know how the name Eagles Of Death Metal was thought up? It’s really not a pretentious statement and they can be a fun band every now and then.

I don’t know the back story behind it, no. And I do acknowledge that I may be missing out on some good music with some of these bands, because I just can’t get past that valuable “first impression.”

That’s mainly why I prefer to find new music ‘blind,’ just listening to Pandora or the radio or Soundcloud / Mixcloud mixes, and finding out the band names and biographical details later after the sound has had a chance to speak for itself.

Also I’m not sure it’s pretension I have a problem with. If people weren’t acting above their station from time to time, we’d still be living in caves. I think what I don’t like with a lot of these bands is mis-directed cleverness. When I see that too much effort has gone into making a band name itself seem as kind of a stand-alone artwork, I’m always skeptical that I am going to get short-changed on the actual music. Many times I’m wrong.