http://www.slicingupeyeballs.com/2013/08/19/al-jourgensen-wages-war-on-raccoons/
1002
This is some funny shit…
Been reading this on his Facebook page. When i say “reading” i mean i looked at the first post about racoons and then stopped when he started posting 100 times a day about it. He seems to be really getting into the FB thing.
I can’t believe Al didn’t think to give the raccoons methadone. I mean, he was the one who gave Burroughs that idea, right?
I can’t believe Al didn’t think to give the raccoons methadone. I mean, he was the one who gave Burroughs that idea, right?
The imperative word here is “think”. Although I must add that it seems that this is the obvious solution.
i would, in a flash, buy a remake of Caddyshack with Al.
Hahahaha! Video footage of this would be great. It could easily replace or be on the same lineup as those terrible “reality” shows that dominate the History and Discovery channels now.
Finally a use for uncle al! Critter removal reality show!
He’d have to HAVE some methadone to do that. There’s no way Angie would let Al keep any of that shit around the house.
i would, in a flash, buy a remake of Caddyshack with Al.
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.
lol. “NO MORE COONS”
NO MORE COONS
NO MORE COONS
This would be the best shit.
I remember I had my own caddyshack moment.
Remember this scene?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPxiXGr9nFM
I was meeting up with my girlfriend and we were going to the local swimming pool on a very hot day. I knew it would be very crowded, as it was a very popular place with young families.
I decided to have a bit of fun. The night before, I melted three solid chocolate bars in the microwave, just enough to be able to stick them together and sculpt them into the most incredibly massive and realistic looking turd ever conceived outside of the arse. Whilst a messy job, it was easily one of the most tasty and satisfying craft activities I have been involved in ever. I left it in the freezer overnight to set.
The next day, I picked her up from her house. I had a picnic basket full of goodies, including the little surprise (which had to be kept well wrapt next to ice so as not to melt. Whilst being a torrid little day, it ended up staying in one piece). I told her with a cheeky smile that I had a surprise in there for her. She looked really happy and had the excitement of a little kid who’s been told the same thing. The excitement deteriorated into disgust when she opened the esky and found I had wrapt what she thought was a real turd in a tea towel.
I convinced her that it was chocolate simply by licking it, but her disgust was still palpable. Nonetheless, I told her of my plans. She told me it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard of. I told her I just wanted her support to realise my dream. She sighed and replied ‘fine, fine, who am I to stop such an artistic genius?’.
I waited until the hottest part of the day when the pool was mega crowded to drop the bomb. I smuggled it in my bathers and dropped it in the shallowest part of the pool. The two of use went to the deep end of the pool and waited. Excitement turned into impatience and eventually transmorphed into disappointment. A whole 15 minutes passed before anyone noticed.
And then… EUREKA. People were frantically trying to get out of the pool, and those that didn’t kept a circle clear roughly 5 metres in diameter of where we assumed the offending article was. The lifeguard was called for. Both her and I could barely breathe. We were trying to contain our amusement as much as we could, but it was nigh on impossible.
Eventually, the lifeguard attacked the brown shark with a pool net. As it began its ascent beyond the aqueous periphery, shrieks of amusement and disgust could be heard from the other end of the pool whilst the turd glistened resplendent in the late afternoon sun. It was placed beside the pool for further examination. You could intimate from the lifeguard’s studying of the turd that she was struggling to grasp how something so large could have gestated within the bowels of a normal human being. Nonetheless, she suspended disbelief and remained committed to her duties, wrapping the turd in black plastic and giving it a soldiers burial.
Confident in the chlorine’s ability to negate the non-existent essence of the turd, people returned to the pool and proceeded to go on as though nothing had ever happened. It was too hot a day to worry about anything other than cooling down.
As for my girlfriend and I, we were happier for having known the closest thing to a child either of us would have conceived together and released unto the world had done us proud.
I told her of my plans. She told me it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard of.
This is how you know you have a truly good plan.
[reply]
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.[/reply]
[shocked]
Amazing.
[reply][reply]
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.[/reply]
[shocked]
Amazing.[/reply]
Al is not even southern. He’s some Cuban guy who floated an an inner tube to Florida like the rest of them who found his way to Chicago. He’s acting, just like the English accent was an act so is his fake Hee Haw drawl
[reply][reply][reply]
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.[/reply]
[shocked]
Amazing.[/reply]
Al is not even southern. He’s some Cuban guy who floated an an inner tube to Florida like the rest of them who found his way to Chicago. He’s acting, just like the English accent was an act so is his fake Hee Haw drawl[/reply]
Acting, right.
You’re a bit of an authority on the topic, eh Mama?
[reply][reply][reply][reply]
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.[/reply]
[shocked]
Amazing.[/reply]
Al is not even southern. He’s some Cuban guy who floated an an inner tube to Florida like the rest of them who found his way to Chicago. He’s acting, just like the English accent was an act so is his fake Hee Haw drawl[/reply]
Acting, right.
You’re a bit of an authority on the topic, eh Mama?[/reply]
HAHAH. That’s why he wants his own reality show. He’s an actor. And sadly, how could Al build his home on territory reserved for wildlife. The racoons were there first. He’s the assshole
[reply][reply][reply]
“I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.”
Imagine Al reciting these words in the same shitty drawl that opened up the last CD.[/reply]
[shocked]
Amazing.[/reply]
Al is not even southern. He’s some Cuban guy who floated an an inner tube to Florida like the rest of them who found his way to Chicago. He’s acting, just like the English accent was an act so is his fake Hee Haw drawl[/reply]
He was how old when he moved here though? He can still be considered “Southern”, I guess. He sure acts like a lot of the hillbilly/redneck shitkickers I sometimes see around here.
Damn, I miss California sometimes…
r. And sadly, how could Al build his home on territory reserved for wildlife. The racoons were there first. He’s the assshole
Shut up, Hippie.