first, I just want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice. I hate bringing attention to myself…I put this out there because well, this is a small, tight knit community and you’re all great people. I don’t really talk about my issues to people in my life. I’m going to try to answer each person to my best ability:
mick: I’m doing my best to accept that it will pass. if…and once things start falling in place in life, then I think it will be easier to accept. religion plays a bit of role in this whole ordeal, it’s a big confusing mess to me. thank you for the kind words, I will try to hang in there.
void: heh, I don’t have any problems potentially getting laid. there’s one girl who’s very into me, but basically just wants to be sex buddies. that’s not my thing. I turned her down just last night actually. our personalities don’t click more than just friends, and I just can’t screw anyone without a deep connection. as for working out, I agree. when I was heavily depressed over the summer, I’d walk to the park, play basketball multiple times a week. a bit tough in the winter time. I’m not crazy for gyms…but I’m going to try to do that more. I’m in pretty good shape as is.
smrf: I should get into more routines such as yoga, you’re right. I finished up a book yesterday that I thought would take me at least another week to read. it’s about all I did yesterday. see, my problem is that my memory is just too damn good. it’s a curse and a blessing. all I need to do is see a word, or an image, and I have deep detailed flashbacks of the incidencts which relate to that word and bring pain. so it’s tough. but I try.
james: summer of 09, I went to new orleans with a voulenteer group. besides 2 or 3 people in the group, the other 18 or so people were strangers. we were in the lower 9th, and it was a beautiful, life changing experience. it was strange. there was part of me that embraced and loved it there, and there was a part of me that just lost myself completely. I wanted to go again this past summer, but the group folded due to the recession hitting hard. I’d like to go again, eventually, if I can get the funds.
olsen: thankfully I don’t mess with drugs. I did salvia I’d say about 2-3 weeks ago, very little, and it was my first time in well over a year. I don’t plan to do it again soon. I have been drinking absinthe, just a glass a night in spurts…two nights here…one night there. but it’s just like drinking a glass of wine after dinner. as for speaking to people…I did go to a thearpist once this summer. it didn’t help too much, but then again, I couldn’t keep going because it was too pricey and I have no insurance. as for internet dating, I’ve never been a fan of that. I have been getting myself out there in real dates. last week I had two dates in one day (crazy) …another one today. unforutnatley it doesn’t seem too sincere, it’s not fully coming from my heart and that kinda bothers me. but at least it gets me out the house.
killface: thanks, I probably should try and get to the gym more. I have a job where I’m pretty much always active, it keeps me in good condition but it’s only part, part time. so I guess I can strive for more.
smrf: I like that idea of making lists…so far it’s blank. I hope it doesn’t stay that way.
piko: I know what you mean. these days it seems like I only get out of bed when I have to. actually, it’s been like that for quite a while. biding my time rather than living life. it’s miserable.
peligro: I’m the opposite…I don’t really get much of an appetite. I don’t lose weight, nor do I gain. I have really good metabolsim. I’ve been the same weight for about 7 years now.
After reading that and seeing how active and together you are compared to me I think I’m depressed?!