Has it ever crossed anyone’s mind that this may not be the original Al?
Al did a lot of drugs. He overdosed and died…a few times.
So what if this present day Al is actually Al’s lamer, cheesedick cousin
Alfonso who stepped in (and dressed up) after the real Al died?
I mean…you know???
It kind of tastes better than the truth, no?
^
HAHA! That’s the best thing I’ve ever read.
Hopefully the upcoming biography will reveal all.
Hopefully the upcoming biography will reveal all.
Is it written by Gerda?
[reply]Hopefully the upcoming biography will reveal all.
Is it written by Gerda?[/reply]
That would be vaguest book to ever read. “Al shouts at his bandmates (I’m sure you’re intelligent enough to figure it out). The tall man then walks into the room, doing - things…”.
And I’m liking the Al is Dead idea a lot more than the Paul is Dead rumor. I’m sure you know of that one? That the British government covered up McCartney’s death to avoid an uprising. And the guy posing as Paul had all this plastic surgery and…you see where this going.
Fine, Al OD’d when he relapsed in 03 due to grief of Barker leaving, and the only creative thought he had left were of mocking an easy target president, and hype up his “hardcore” cred. Too much for a rational being to bear.
If the imposter Paul McCartney is the one that wrote Helter Skelter then he was better than the original.
If the imposter Paul McCartney is the one that wrote Helter Skelter then he was better than the original.
Exactly.
You guys remember that post a while back where there was like a bootleg remix or something titled to “AL JAURGENSEN” or something like that?
What if… What if that’s not Al at all, and Al HAS been dead for years, and what wears Al’s skin is JAURGENSEN, a creature from beyond time and space working in cahoots with the Illuminati, obfuscating the masses with a blend of partial truth (all-seeing eyes everywhere, “conspiracy” theories, claiming to be from a thirteenth planet) and a REALLY convincing junkie/alcoholic/chemo-patient-turned-rocker facade (his slurred speech is simply him not used to speaking like humans, the liquor he drinks is really passed through a portal to nothingness, his many piercings are in fact power regulators and neurotransmitters) to further the agenda of turning our people apathetic and unreactionary to enable the total collapse of Western civilization and usher in the NEW New World Order?
Kinda makes seeeeennnnnssseeeeee…
He died in 04 right before the production of Molé. Barker knew of a temple on a remote island that no solid coordinates exists. In this temple, there was a fountain that could bring a person back from the dead, only risk being that they could be considered “corrupted”. Barker realized his mistake and should’ve let fate take it’s course, immediately leaves the band.
Yeah, I went there.
What’s that movie where Michael Keaton clones himself? And the subsequent copies-of-copies just get dumber and dumber to the extent that they’re putting slices of pizza in their wallets? “Duplicity”, maybe?
Maybe that’s what happened with Al. They keep copying him, but with each generation it just gets a little sloppier each time. It’s like that copy-of-a-copy-of-a-copy-of-copy of a bootleg copy of “Hardware Wars” that I used to have on VHS back in the day.
Although that’s not really a good example, because that tape was still totally awesome.
^Multiplicity.
Although that’s not really a good example, because that tape was still totally awesome.
You may be the only person I know who will understand when I say that the footage of Bane from the new Batman movie reminds me of Darph Nader from Hardware Wars.
You bet your asteroids, Kid!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlFOiFLLd0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rL0wutsciS8&feature=relmfu
If there’s anyone else on the board that knows this amazing film I’m going to wager it’s Carmangary.
My god, thank you. I haven’t seen Hardware Wars in ages. If something good came out of the new Relapse album, it is this thread leading to Hardware Wars clips.
Wasn’t there something similar that made fun of Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Ah just found it…Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind.
Rock N Roll Med School
Proto: There was also an “Apocalypse Now” spoof by the same guy that did “Hardware Wars”. It was called “Porklips Now”. I’ve not seen it in a million years and don’t know if it was any good (I only remember the title) because when I saw it as a kid I hadn’t yet seen “Apocalypse Now”. So I had no point of reference and the jokes (assuming they were funny) probably didn’t make any sense to me at the time. It’s on YouTube, though, and I’ll probably check it out tonight.
I watched A Porklips Now recently for the same reasons you mention - I didn’t understand it as a kid. It’s actually a bit dull, though there are a few funny moments.
The VHS I rented as a child came with those two films on the tape as well as Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind and Bambi vs. Godzilla.
I watched A Porklips Now recently for the same reasons you mention - I didn’t understand it as a kid. It’s actually a bit dull, though there are a few funny moments.
The VHS I rented as a child came with those two films on the tape as well as Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind and Bambi vs. Godzilla.
YES!!! That’s the one!!!
We used to rent VHS from the Public Library. I rented the crap out of that one. It was already a worn out piece of junk and I think at some point we did the 'ol VCR to VCR trick and copied it for our homies.
I hear that “cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin” line a lot, but I think there’s more in play than just the chemical dependancy or psychosomatic aspects to it.
I really think it’s more of a perception thing and an issue of prioritizing. I mean, count up the tally . . . .
Heroin addiction . . . you might just quickly turn into a shriveled up zombie, puke your guts out, steal from everyone you know, lose your job, your family, everything, and it’ll spiral out of control and cost you $200 a day and lead you to stealing DVD’s from Wal-Mart and/or selling BJ’s under a freeway overpass. Not to mention the AIDS from dirty needles, unpredictable street drugs, disease, death, etc. . . .
Smoking . . . you smell a little worse than usual, maybe have some sinus trouble (over time), maybe develop some cancer or something (over time). You get factory produced cigarettes and maybe your “heavy addiction” costs $10-$15 a day (assuming a few packs a day). Sure, it’s not “good” for you, but it doesn’t completely destroy the life your living and wreck the lives of everyone you know.
Everyone kind of knows the above and there’s a bit more “incentive” and urgency to actually quit and stay off Heroin. And if smoking cigarettes helps someone cope or fill that need for “something” . . . it’s certainly the lesser of two evils.
I’ve never seen someone call an “intervention” for a smoker and read letters about how it’s tearing everyone apart.
This addiction narrative needs some perspective
From an outsider whose point-of-view is influenced by Naked Lunch, I guess it’s a salacious analogy without any bearing in reality.
But the fact is opiates are not pernicious to human health in and of themselves. Only the criminalization, and the policies the DEA’s Drug Crime narco-sate has perpetuated, make them “dangerous.”
Good ol’ tobacco use, however, just leads to lung, esophageal and mouth cancer, emphysema and early death with prolonged suffering.
God, what a choice…
Good ol’ tobacco use, however, just leads to lung, esophageal and mouth cancer, emphysema and early death with prolonged suffering.
Yeah “over time,” not immediately
Late,
grmpysmrf